Randomness by Dawn

Improvement needed

2012-01-13T19:25:00.003-05:00

I have been examining myself lately and noticing areas where I feel really improved and areas where I really need work. Sadly, the areas where I feel good about myself are fewer than those where I need work....though I suppose this is the case with most of us.

Lately I have felt that I am doing a better job at being less selfish as a mommy....I have learned that no matter how badly I may want to do something out of the house, that the health and safety of my kids is much more important. I think the whole pneumonia and bronchilitis thing that we went through recently really made this hit home for me. I am not doing so great yet at being a less selfish wife....although this whole hubby has control of the TV for a week is surprisingly helpful....I am seeing how relaxed he seems watching his shows and it is inspiring me to let him watch a little more.....might help him with his goal of being on the computer less too. (I really need to work on letting him rest more.)
Speaking of resting, this is an area that continues to plague me....even when I get what should be the right amount of sleep for the night, I still want to return to bed for a bit after Peter returns from his paper route. Now part of this is how I control my depression...it does cause me to not want to start my day right away, but the rest of it well..I am not sure what that is all about. I know I would feel more energized, if I got up, read my Bible, ate breakfast, etc at the same time every day, but I seem to lack the motivation. (Now, my boys are up by 7am most days - John is usually up earlier than that - so this is part of it....I am not a morning person, so the idea of getting up at 5:30am so I can get things done before they are up is probably never going to happen....) However, I could use the time before Peter goes to his 2nd job or goes to bed to rest for a night shift to do more than I actually do....why don't I is what I ask myself.
(Oh, and let us not forget that I find myself eating throughout the day as a means to stay awake or just out of boredom....hardly ever a good snack and usually done while Ray is not looking so as he does not pick up my bad habit...sneaking food, really?!)
I am also one of the worst housekeepers you will meet....the dust piles up, the floor needs vacuumed (especially now that John is crawling), bathroom needs to be cleaned way more often that it happens, yet I don't feel bad about this until I go to finally get around to doing it and then I am horrified.
In some ways I feel that I am a lazy mommy who needs to spend more time playing with her boys and in other ways I feel that I am lazy and need to focus more on housework. I do not do enough of either activity. Raymond plays well alone and John spends most of his day nursing...or so that is how I feel. I felt like I accomplished a lot this morning in the way of cleaning while John slept, but then I also felt that I could have spent it better breaking out the play dough and playing with Ray. Anyone else have trouble with this conundrum?
I want to do better at grocery shopping and menu planning as well. Though a lot of nights I feel like no matter what I make, there is no point because Ray will more than likely not touch his dinner and so far I still struggle with convincing John that food (other than the stuff that comes from mommy) is a good thing.
As always, I welcome your thoughts....I was going to keep going, but I think this post has been a bit of a ramble (and possibly a bit confusing) already ;)

John....

2011-11-30T20:05:00.002-05:00

So tonight I thought I'd post a little about my John and his personality quirks....

It is fitting right now as he has decided to wake up and cry for a bit....

Some random things about John include:

We tried to start solids (cereal, and such) on his 6 month birthday (day after Thanksgiving) and he just totally refuses....now this is not the 1st time we have tried (tried shortly before my surgery as well....), but each time we have tried he has screamed, squirmed, and refused. So we asked his doctor and they said this means he is getting enough from me right now and to try again in a few weeks. Huh? I thought that after 6 months my milk did not have enough iron in it....as well as some other nutrients....

He does not go to bed well and rarely naps....his naps tend to be what I call 20 minute non-naps...unless he is sick and then he naps superbly (especially when being held). If he is snuggled/rocked back to sleep and then put in his crib, he will wake up and cry....then he will most likely cry for a good 20 minutes or so while he tries to convince you that he needs to be held....he does not win, but it is frustrating. (At least his big brother is getting used to it now and is not awoken by his screaming brother.) Sometimes he cries less if ignored..sometimes not....

Though capable of sleeping through the night (started at 2 months old), he has not done this well since the flood....the past few nights we have been working on the fact that he does not need to nurse and can go back to sleep without that...he is doing okay so far....

Teething seems to bother him more than it did Ray (not saying much as it never bothered Ray at all)...but it seems to only bother him in the area of sleep...weird....

He is generally a happy boy....although I must say he requires quite a bit of attention...does not seem to entertain himself well at all yet....hopefully someday he will be able to play alone...for now, he loves to have Raymond entertain him....or mommy and daddy of course. :)

Well, he does not seem to be stopping the fussing right now, so I shall go and check on him. :)

Depressed

2011-11-05T18:43:00.002-04:00

So I awoke today feeling super depressed and eventually ended up in tears. Sometimes I feel like there are so many things that I want to be better or better at and I just can't make it work. Then if you'd like, add to that the fact that I feel like there is no one to talk to beyond my husband and my parents and I get even more depressed. I feel like I still do not have any local connections, despite my involvement in MOPS and my church. I feel like I am a burden to anyone that I might want to call...that everyone is too busy for me.

Things that were on my mind today include, but are not limited to....

I am still torn about my husband's job issues and seem to be totally ineffective at communicating with him anymore.

I need a bigger place to live that is in our price range and this seems to be an impossibility.
I can't even begin to think of still being here at Christmas time....I can't find a spot for the tree this year.
I never have time to play with Ray, even though he is begging me because John never seems to nap. This morning he actually napped for about an hour I think, after going down, being woken by his loud big bro, then crying himself back to sleep while mommy was on the phone in tears with Papa. (Otherwise, if he naps, it is usually at the same time as Ray....)
John will sleep from 6:30pm to 5:30am one day or a similar amount of time for a few days in a row and then the next day be up 5 or 6 times and want to nurse every time....sometimes only for a minute or so and then just be awake. It can take up to an hour to get him back down. If I let him cry it out, he wakes Ray and then the only way to calm Ray is to have him sleep with me in my bed. Then I lose sleep because he is on top of me....pretty much literally.
I have surgery on my lower eyelid next Wednesday that will require John to use a bottle..so far he completely refuses this idea. I also cannot lift my kids for a week after that....not sure how Ray will do with this.

More than likely I am forgetting things here....but for now, at least I got some of it out. I am lonely, stressed out, feel like a horrible mom, and today for the 1st time in a very long time, had some not so great thoughts. I know God is there for me, but....it would be nice if I could feel that presence more.....or if I could feel like people cared too.

Torn

2011-10-01T17:41:00.002-04:00

I have been having trouble with being torn in 2 different directions lately. The other day, we moved John into his crib as the warning on his bassinet told me that he was officially too big to be in there. This is kind of where the whole torn thing started. You see, in order to put John in his crib, we had to squeeze it into Ray's room. Now we barely have enough space to have both boys in there...I can barely access Ray's dresser and getting to the closet is a nightmare. I suppose I could make it work long term if I really had to, but I don't want to....

This is where I am torn....you see, my husband has 2 churches looking at him as their pastor kind of seriously, but they are taking forever to decide. Our lease ends this month and as far as I am concerned we have got to get out of here....at least partly for my own sanity. As per my dad's wisdomly advice, I compromised with my hubby and said that I could make it work her for another month or 2 max (we can do a month to month lease for a little while, but it jacks up the rent quite a bit). The problem is that although my heart wants these things for my husband, the selfish (somewhat more practical) part of my heart wants a bigger place to live where I am not tripping on things or squeezing through spaces to get someplace. (Sometimes it makes me feel like a hoarder and I am not...we have mainly the essentials.)

I am also torn about supporting my husband in his current job or whining about the sucky hours. We hardly ever see him and lately he doesn't even get out when he is supposed to or has to go in early and work late, etc. I want to be supportive because he works hard to provide for us, but I HATE a lot about his current jobs and I have soo much trouble keeping that to myself.

Oh, and to top this all off...I am an emotional/stress eater big time and so the longer things go on the worse my diet gets and I fear eventually the bigger I will be.

Well, I suppose I could go on, but John is now awake and crying so I should go.....

Flood 2011

2011-09-14T17:20:00.002-04:00

So, the flood of 2011 has come and gone...well, sort of, part of my road is still flooded and closed. We fared MUCH better than many, but I thought I would post about our ordeal anyway. Before you read this, please take a minute to pray for the many who were affected by this mess, especially for those who already went through this during the flood of 2006 and for at least one friend of mine who lost her house (between her and her husband they have 4 children going through this with them).

So, Wednesday morning, I dropped Peter off at work because we were in dire need of diapers for John. So, my plans were to hit the FRC, so Ray could play for a bit and I could nurse John somewhere other than the car in the downpour and the hit Price Chopper for diapers. I got to the FRC and we started listening to the radio...schools were closing early and things looked bad. So, we headed out early, went to the store and went home. At about 4:30pm, Peter called and said they were closing the store early. I left the kids with our neighbors and went to get him at about 5:30pm...they were behind because most of his people left due to the start of the flooding....we got home a little after 7pm and the power died for the 1st time. It came back on just after 9 or so...only to die again in the middle of the night. Peter left for his paper route only to return home because he had no way of getting to Tioga Terrace to deliver his papers...roads were flooded. A little after 4am (before the power died for good), our phone rang and said we should evacuate....we called the sheriff and found out that all the roads to the shelters from our place were closed...we were stuck. Actually we were on an island of sorts as the road was flooded on either side our our complex, but not right out in front of us.
After having no power for a while and then losing water as well....our across the hall neighbors found a way out on some back roads and we followed them on Friday morning to her mom's place in PA. We had to go through the PA Gamelands and on some questionable roads, but we got there. I was a wreck the whole time. From her mom's place, they got us to the highway and helped us figure out via internet which roads were actually open. From there, we headed to my mom's near Pittsburgh, PA. We spent time there till Monday, when we were able to find out (thanks to friends in Facebook) that roads were opening and power was back. We arrived home around midnight.

I am glad that God found us a way out and kept us safe. I am also glad in an odd way, that we were forced down to my moms....it gave me a chance to see my Pap who may not be around much longer. I am glad that Peter's jobs were mostly understanding. I continue to pray for those who were hit bad.

My day so far

2011-08-20T14:07:00.002-04:00

I have decided that today is one of those days where I should just go back to bed and start all over again. Here is what has happened so far:

John wakes up super happy after coughing for about 3 hours straight....so I think yay, I have the happiest baby in the world and today will be a good day. However, after Peter left for work, I ran down stairs to put more quarters in the dryer, leaving the door open. I came back up to the door being closed and locked! I have no keys and no phone...ahhh! I run over to the neighbors and no one is home...I come back and thankfully, Ray has unlocked the door. (Oh, when I am panicking by the door asking him to unlock it, he tells me he needs the keys.) After the door incident, as I am on the phone telling my dad about it, John spits up his entire meal, making it necessary to run another load of laundry to wash his chair cover. So, I put John in his bed and let him cry (after changing him) so that Ray and I can run a load down stairs. I come back up, put the detergent away, start to comfort John only to discover that somehow Ray has gotten cat poop on his sandal and the back of his shorts. What?! So, I take everything off Ray and get the sandal cleaned off (and placed in the window to dry), while John lays in his bed crying....then grab both boys so that I can get Ray's shorts into the already running washer before it's too late. I then calm John down and he naps for about the amount of time it takes to make lunch, eat it, and try to convince Ray to eat something while I make the meatloaf for tonight (so that all I have to do later is put it in the oven). Almost all of this happened before noon....after lunch, when it was time for nap, Ray decided that today was not the day for that and after he tried to escape his room twice (now that he knows how to work the door), I gave up. John has now been fed again and is napping for a bit....

I wonder what the rest of today will bring....

Things that make being a mom totally worth it

2011-08-08T20:41:00.002-04:00

I was thinking today about some of the things that my boys do that make being a mom totally worth it. There are some things that they each do that make all the tantrums and fussy times completely worth it. Here they are for you to enjoy:

Raymond:

the other day while I was sitting Indian style on the floor trying to play with John, Ray ran around me in circles, saying "I love my mama" over and over again
In Wendy's on Sunday, Ray spontaneously hugged and kissed me and told me he loved me - and then did the same for daddy
This morning, when daddy got up with him, he asked for me and John, and then when we got up, he ran over saying "John" in a super excited voice and then gave John a big hug while he was nursing
the fact that he wants to wrestle with me and have me tickle him and always asks for more even when I am really ready to be done ;)
reading stories at nap and bed time and watching how much he loves books :)
asking me to sing to him in his bed before he goes to sleep

John:

Although John is still really little, he has a few things that make being a mommy worth it....random smiles while in the middle of nursing
"talking" to mommy while playing on his back on the floor
waking up super happy and patient after a good night of sleep
wanting to snuggle just about all the time (sadly mommy cannot accommodate this desire as often as she would like)
chubby cheeks :)

I LOVE my boys so much and I need to remember all of this when they are driving me nuts from time to time. :)

Church alone? And some other random thoughts

2011-08-04T17:46:00.002-04:00

So, on occasion, due to Peter's schedule, I bring the kids to church alone....and I am finding myself lately, questioning if this is really worth all the hassle. I know that it is a good example to make sure that we are there every week worshipping, praying, learning, etc. However, I find myself totally and completely distracted during worship and for most of the sermon. During worship in our church, the children stay in...they are dismissed after tithe until the sermon/church are over. thus, I spend time just sort of singing along while I make sure that Ray isn't trying to run in circles around the sanctuary or shout, or who knows what else. I also spend the time praying John will not need to nurse. Then during tithe and prayer I hope that Ray will be quiet (not a natural state for him) and again that John will not need to nurse yet. Then I take the kids to nursery and spend time during the sermon hoping that John will not need to nurse or need mommy for some other reason. So, I ask myself, is church alone really worth it?

Other random stuff:
I am getting a little better at dividing my time between children....as in I adjust Ray's schedule to fit John's so that no one is screaming...hopefully anyway :)
I asked the lactation consultant at Lourdes today a question about John sleeping through the night and my pain...and although she helped, she seemed in disbelief that this trend would continue or that he only woke up once in the 1st place. ;)
I need to work on self-control - in many areas

Guess that's it for now....gotta get Ray bathed before John wakes up....it is bad enough that he ate a granola bar for dinner because I was checking in on a friend going through a rough time and didn't get his dinner ready fast enough. LOL

Learning curve

2011-07-23T17:32:00.003-04:00

I have decided that I am in a learning curve in my life right now. I'm not really sure if this is the right term, but basically I am going through a period where I am learning a lot, about myself as a mommy, as a wife, as a person in general.

Things I am learning as about me as a mommy:

I do not do well at dividing my attention....okay, so I do fine dividing up play time, but I do not function well when both boys are crying/fussing.... For example, last night, Ray was having trouble falling asleep (most likely due to this insane heat) and John wanted to be held (also, a suspected culprit of the heat...I know that sounds odd, but I swear the hotter it is, the more he wants to cuddle), anyway, in order to comfort Ray in his room and help him get to sleep, I put John down in his chair....I got through 4 songs with Ray while John slept only to have him start screaming from the living room....ugh, which boy do I let cry? It all turned out fine in the end...as I left ray, he whined for a minute more and was fine, but I hate having to decide. (Not super feasible to hold John while comforting Ray, in case that's your answer here, he fusses unless he is in just the right position.)
I am incredibly lazy....on the one hand I have rules and expect my children to follow them, but on the other hand there are frequently moments where I just do not care enough to go through the effort to enforce them. Now don't get me wrong, this is not for the major stuff...it is more for things like (Raymond do not chew on that toy...etc.)
I want to ensure that my boys have lots of fun filled family activities in their lives - even if they are still at ages where they will not remember them - and it bugs me sometimes (well a lot of the time) that my husband's jobs are not conducive to this and neither are our finances most of the time.
I rely on my husband way more than other SAHMs do and there are times when I feel that is just fine b/c parenting is a partnership and there are other times when I feel that I take advantage.

Things I am learning about me as a wife:

I am not the most affectionate person and this is not fair to my husband. (My mom was a really bad example in this area and sadly I think I picked up quite a bit from her...ugh.)
I tend to be way too bossy....I have serious trouble letting my husband lead....and he wants to please me, so yeah, guess who gets her way most of the time.
I have a tendency to take advantage of the fact that my husband wants to please me.
I do not let my husband know often enough how much I really appreciate and love him.

Things I am learning about myself in general:

I can be super selfish.
Mostly due to depression (have been on meds, do not currently need them), I sleep way more than most people do and that means that things do not get done around here like they should. (The house is rarely as clean as it needs to be, I do not get devotions done, etc.)
I love my boys and my husband more than words can say, but there are times when I really miss my life of loneliness...never thought I would want to be alone when all I ever wanted was a family. Weird....
I was used to a certain lifestyle growing up and when I was teaching and, well, I have not really given that up even though we do not have the means for it. The result of this is that I encourage/ask my husband to use our money poorly or do so myself at times. This is not a good thing for us....I really need work here.
I do not adjust to change as well as I should...another thing that needs work. If my husband is to be a pastor someday (hopefully soon), I need to be much more flexible than I am.

So, this is what I have been learning lately....I'm wondering are there any books to read on some of my issues? I love to learn through books and have gained from them in the past. I also love to learn from others, so i welcome your thoughts. :)

A moment to blog....

2011-07-11T15:43:00.002-04:00

So, I am finally going to take a moment to sit down and blog....

For once, I am not super exhausted and my boys are both sleeping peacefully, so I have a little time to write. I think maybe our family walk time that we started this morning helped a bit with my exhaustion...though I still took a nap earlier this afternoon. ;)

Okay, so what's new around here....

Raymond has sort of started potty training. I say sort of because, well, we have him in pull ups and he LOVES to use the potty (big one like us or his froggy potty), but I have slowed down a bit on this put him on the potty every half an hour thing. Ray is totally ready as far as I am concerned, but well, there is a chance that I am not completely ready. It was A LOT to try and get him on the potty all the time and nurse John, and do everything else around here. (Well, not everything, Peter is a huge help to me.) I am going to buy a potty training book and read up, because that is just what usually works best for me. I am still a student at heart, I guess. For now, I am looking at this adventure as a we'll get there when we get there sort of thing. This may change after I read a book, it may not...my only current concern is that I do not want Ray to lose interest. The other day after nap, he ran over to me, gave me a hug, and told me that he had gone on his potty...it was precious just how proud he was of himself. (BTW:Is it normal for a boy, who drinks a lot, to literally pee every half an hour, not a small amount, a normal amount?)

John is growing by leaps and bounds and I can't believe how fast the time is flying. In a couple of weeks, he will be 2 months old. He is already outgrowing his 0-3 months clothing. :) I can't even really remember any more what life was like without him here. We found out today that there is a chance that he has a touch of reflux....my poor boy now has to be kept upright for a while after feedings. Hoping that his rocker chair will suffice for this....I can't really hold him for 30 min. after each nursing and play with Ray. God has it under control though.

As for me, I am learning to adjust to having 2 wonderful boys in my life, in addition to my absolutely amazing husband. (Soon, I will do a post about just how wonderful he is....) The boys and I are developing a routine of sorts and trying to make it all work each day. I still struggle with dividing my attention. I know John will not remember having to cry for a bit while a take care of Ray, but it makes me feel horrible. He screams so hard that he gets all red and sweaty and it makes me want to melt into a huge puddle. I wish there was a magical pill that moms could take that would make it so they could pay 100% attention to each child all the time. ;)

I am also learning how to add in time to do a Bible study, even when I do not feel like it and maybe soon, have time to read books that I want to read. I would love to go see the last Harry Potter on the big screen next week, but so far John refuses bottles and nurses way too often for me to squeeze in a movie....sigh. I am also beginning to notice flaws in myself that I need to work on so that when Peter is finally able to be a pastor, I can be of more use to his congregation. I've always been told that God prepares the wife, but calls the husband into this field and I am starting to realize just how true that is.

I guess that's it for now. Hope all is well with everyone. :)

Adjustment period

2011-06-06T19:36:00.002-04:00

I am now in the adjustment period....from being a mom of 1 to a mom of 2 and there are definitely some ups and downs going on around here.

Downs:

Ray has been having quite the whine fest the past few days....simple things like picking up before bedtime have become a down right power struggle....I actually asked myself (aloud) last night where my sweet little boy went and who brought me this whiny child
Ray is strong willed...so the few tantrums we had before John have increased and become full force nightmares
I do not know how to properly take care of 2 at once....I will miss having my mom to help....
I miss just having my little man in the house....he is a very sweet, affectionate little boy who for the most part wants to please mommy....he is having a rough time adjusting
I miss being able to devote all my attention to Raymond...he misses it too

Ups:

John is adorable and a great nurser (this was something I was worried about as he was not allowed to nurse and was on formula for a bit during his 1st week of life)
Ray absolutely adores his little brother....he wants to hold him all the time (actually any time I start to nurse John, Ray asks to hold him and then gets quite upset when I tell him John has to eat 1st)
I am in love with my 2 boys and hope to raise them the way God would have me....

So far, I am enjoying being a mom of 2 great little boys, but i know that I am going to struggle with it as well. God is challenging me already and I still have help around. I will be truly challenged when my mom leaves....it has been hard enough since Peter's vacation ended. (Note:This may be part of Ray's adjustment problem....) I know in the long run this will all be worth it, but right now I find myself asking...."how do all of you out there with 2 or more do it everyday...especially those of you whose husband's work weird hours like mine does?"

The arrival of John Paul Mattice

2011-05-25T21:40:00.002-04:00

Hello all....sorry this has taken me so long to get posted, but there has been quite a bit going on these past 2 days. I guess I should start from the beginning.....

Tuesday night at about 7:30pm my water broke....just as we were putting Ray to bed. I called the doctor and the one on call (not mine this time around) said to head on in. I tested + for strep B again, so I needed to start on antibiotics. Labor was shorter this time around...about 11 hours.

John Paul Mattice arrived at 6:43am this morning and weighed in at 7lbs 12oz - just an oz shy of what Ray had weighed. We do not yet have a length because shortly after Peter cut the cord, John began having some complications. He was struggling to breath, so I only got to see him for a minute and then they took him away.

We soon found out that he had swallowed some fluid on the way out....likely due to the fact that once he was ready, he made a quick exit. His pediatrician figures it was a small bout of pneumonia and had him placed in oxygen and on an IV. He was breathing at about 100 times a minute vs the normal 45 and the x-ray did not look good. He has not been able to nurse yet and I am having to pump to get ready for him.

Tonight they transferred him to another hospital with a better NICU unit. We were quite worried.....thanks to the grace of God and lots of prayer though, things are looking up. Peter just came back from seeing him (they won't let me out till tomorrow morning) and his breathing is back to normal. He is out of the oxygen tent as well, but is still on an IV for food and antibiotics.

We do not yet know when he will come home, but things are looking much better. We appreciate your continued prayers.

Getting something off my chest

2011-04-29T11:22:00.003-04:00

OK - so I really need to get something off my chest...but this post may end up being a bit vague as to protect the identity of someone....

So, anyway, yesterday I was meeting with someone for a Bible study and during the course of our discussion, we started talking about Ray. At first said person really praised him and his behavior in a a certain environment. After that however, the following sentence was used "try not to take this the wrong way, but the problem with Ray in the _______ is not him, it's his mama." Following this was a discussion of some different ways that I could handle the situation. (especially given the fact that Ray is quite strong willed....)

I am trying not to be offended by this and said that I was not, but it is weighing heavily on my mind. I am SUPER sensitive when it comes to my abilities as a mommy....as in most of the time I feel like I am doing a horrible job. In the environment that was being spoken of, I REALLY feel like I stink at this....
So, when such a phrase is used, even in love.....it hurts. Peter says to look at the suggestion side of it and see it as the helpful thought that it was intended to be. Maybe now that I have vented a bit....I will be able to do that. I could use some prayer in this area....need to gain some confidence in my mommy skills.

Random fears

2011-04-17T18:48:00.002-04:00

So, according to the ticker I am at 33 weeks and 1 day as I write this post.....

The closer the due dates gets, the more my random, mostly irrational fears seem to surface. Here they are...in no specific order....

Raymond is getting SUPER clingy and attached to mommy lately....I know that he knows there is a little brother on the way and already the jealousy issues are arising....this mommy has fears about that...can I truly do a good job at paying attention to both? Will Ray calm down while I am nursing? (Right now he is in the climb all over mommy for affection stage and sometimes squishes his baby brother in the process.) (He is even back to fussing when we drop him off in the nursery....)
Peter's schedule has changed - for the better - to mostly day shifts....but they are 11am-9pm and that means that this mommy is now stuck in the house most of the time. I tried once to wake Ray up to go get daddy and it took him almost a week to get back to normal....just not worth it. However, I worry that once the weather is really nice, and the baby is here, that I will go mad being stuck in this apartment/apartment complex in general.
Will I even be able to take Ray to the park this summer with the baby in tow? How will I keep Ray safe?
We desperately need to find a new place to live this Fall - for space issues - will that happen? So far the prospects are not good.....I find myself doubting God's ultimate control over everything....
If I am going to be honest with myself at this very moment....about 80% is terrified to be a mommy of 2 and only about 20% is looking forward to it. I am so used to the routine that I have with Ray that I really do fear the changes that will be coming soon. I will have a newborn all over again....Ray was really easy, but every baby is different....will God bless me with another easy one? I'm not sure I'm the mommy who can handle a 2 year old (who is strong willed) and a fussy newborn....
What do I do when Ray wakes at night, I am alone, and the baby needs me at the same time? Even when daddy is home, I am alone for about half the night due to the paper route....
What if the finances do not work out? I mean right now...in my head I am thinking about the fact that the laundry budget will need to be increased (to allow for washing baby clothes separately and for just more laundry), gas prices are nuts right now, the baby needs stuff...even if he can get some things from Ray's old stuff....plus Ray is always needing things.....where will it all come from?
Oh and here's a really weird one....I am always hearing how busy other SAHMs are and how they are lucky if they have 15 minutes in a day to spear to get some reading done. At the moment (and yes, I know I only have 1 child so far), I do not feel this way....why am I not as busy? What am I doing wrong? Or is it just that my husband helps A LOT?

I guess these are most of my fears at the moment. I know they are nutty....I know in my head that God has this....but my heart is having trouble with that right now. I guess all in all I fear change....

The joy of watching my son grow

2011-03-17T18:10:00.002-04:00

Today I have been reflecting on the joy I find in watching my son grow and how much it proves to me that my lifelong dream of being a mommy (even before I really knew Christ and His plan for me) was right all along.

Ray has been growing up so fast lately. His vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds and it amazes me sometimes the phrases that he comes up with. For example, he has a toy Buzz Lightyear action figure that was given to him in used, not necessarily great condition by a friend of ours because he loved playing with it so much at their house....well, this morning, he came in with daddy to get me up and was asking "Where's Buzz?" I told him I did not know and that he should look for him....I may have also said "Where's Buzz?" back to him....suddenly he comes out with "chair" and runs to the kitchen to retrieve Buzz from his booster seat. He was quite proud to have found him. Yesterday, while playing outside, every time he found his ball, he would run over to it and yell "Hi ball." He does have some longer sentences as well, but they are not coming to mind at the moment. (Just now, he pointed to the computer speaker and asked for Veggie Tales because we usually watch that on You Tube.)
He also loves to do "big boy" things. For example, he refuses to use toddler size silverware...he insists on using the same silverware as mommy and daddy and he does a pretty goo job with it. He made me laugh tonight because he was using the fork to pick up one pea at a time...spoon would have been easier...lol. He loves his new booster seat and even asks to just sit there and play at the table. We just purchased his Froggy Potty Seat today and he is showing interest....though, he insists that the insert makes a great hat. ;)
He also finds joy in simple things and I love that about him. When he was playing outside today, he thought it was the greatest activity in the world to take some bricks from in front of one building and move them across the parking lot in a new arrangement...laughing the whole time. He also laughs a lot when carrying his ball around or watching his parents try and get it before it goes under a car or gets too far away....I would laugh if I saw me running right now too. Another favorite activity today was placing rocks into the side strips on the dumpster that the truck uses to pick it up....kept him occupied for at least 10 minutes. All of these are his own ideas, I just watch him play and make sure he is safe.

I just can't believe how fast he is growing. I love him so much and am so blessed to have him, my husband, and the little boy that is on the way. Even though I struggle (a lot sometimes), this is truly what God placed me here to do. :)

Mommy confessions

2011-03-07T18:13:00.002-05:00

Here are a few confessions about me as a mommy:

sometimes I let Ray eat a meal or 2 in front of the TV because, honestly, the distraction gets him to eat better....yeah, might regret this later, but at least it is a rare occurrence
Ray watches WAY more TV than any child should
I selfishly go back to bed in the morning after my husband gets home from his paper route...usually for about 1/2 an hour or so (this will change for a bit when the baby arrives as daddy can't nurse) ;)
I am not great at playing with my son.....good thing he has always been pretty good at entertaining himself
I consistently feel inadequate as a mommy....lots of worry that I am going to raise him right....
I compare myself to other mothers too often.....and my son to other children too often
I am sometimes lax in discipline, especially in areas that other moms might find important, but I do not
I am afraid to soon be a mom of 2 (just realized that I am now in my 3rd trimester...baby will be here before I know it)

OK - there they are, my random confessions for the day....hopefully some of you feel this way at times too....

My newly discovered temper

2011-02-27T15:55:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a very long day in the Mattice household.....Ray started off his day really wanting his daddy to be around. Unfortunately, daddy had to work a 10-7 shift, so that meant that as soon as daddy was up from his after paper route nap, he had to shower, and head out to work. Ray was not happy about this and I believe spent the entire day demonstrating his unhappiness to mommy. We had quite a few fights over disobedience.....including over things that he has known for some time now that he is not supposed to do and/or touch. It was insane the stuff he was trying to pull yesterday and the fact that some of the times when I was trying to discipline he was laughing at me made it even more insane. (And yes, I do mean literally laughing...)

All this to say that yesterday, I discovered a part of me that I REALLY do not like. I never thought of myself as being the type of person who really has a temper, until now. If I am going to be truly honest here, I have to say that I was angry enough yesterday that the verse about not being harsh to your children was somewhere out in Oz as far as I was concerned. I spent the day screaming and spanking and none of it was working anyway. Now, I know that screaming doesn't work and I try not to use it because it is mean and can be harmful. Yesterday, I was at my wit's end frustration wise and I could not believe the way I was acting towards my son.

I truly never want to act this way again. Ray has hit that age where the discipline techniques that I was using are no longer working. I have discovered that he has a bit of a strong will and this does not help matters much right now....later I am sure this will be a great asset to him. I have also discovered that there is a large part of myself that I do not like and that I need to work on. I do not want to be the angry, screaming mommy for there is no part of that that ever really works for kids or parents.

I know that books do not have all the answers, but I will be hitting the Christian bookstore soon for a couple of books on tantrums and discipline. I am already reading Bringing Up Boys by Dobson and love it. I will have another boy soon and I want to be sure that I raise them both to be strong, caring men like their daddy. Now is the time for me to get my act in gear. ;)

Feeding frustrations

2011-02-14T17:47:00.003-05:00

OK, so lately Ray has decided that he is only going to eat what he wants when he wants it....or something like that....here's what's going on....this mommy needs help...please....

1) At breakfast and dinner he is basically refusing to eat (unless it is the occasional absolute favorite, like mac and cheese, peanut butter crackers, or granola bars)

2) Lunch seems to be working fine still, though sometimes even this meal is an issue

3) I have tried: changing meal times (either earlier or later), no snacks between meals, not allowing other foods after dinner time should he refuse to eat dinner (except maybe a yogurt), the concept of eat what is given or go hungry, etc.

4) I have spoken to both my parents and they are stumped.....really hoping you all have some thoughts

5) Oh, when he skips dinner, he wakes up in the AM and goes straight to the fridge begging for yogurt, cheese, or granola bars (from the counter)

6) The foods I am serving are things that he either should like (based on his usual tastes) or has liked in the past

7) I will not cook a separate meal for him (my husband's family did stuff like this and it causes problems to this day), plus that just goes against all I believe as a mommy

8) Despite his beliefs, he cannot live, strive on his favs alone

So, anyway, that's what's going on....any help you have I would most likely be willing to try....I am stumped, and frustrated (he was never picky before)

Some thankful thoughts

2011-02-06T18:06:00.002-05:00

Feeling the need to write...not much to write about...so here are some thankful thoughts for the day....

so happy that Ray has adjusted to his new toddler bed incredibly well....only one nap time's worth of getting out - for about 15 minutes or so and after that it was established that this was his bed and he needed to stay there :)
thankful to have a husband who understands my crazy emotions
blessed to have a beautiful little boy...inside and out
happy to have an easy pregnancy
grateful for God's provisions....I too often forget how much He has done for us since we found out we were 1st pregnant with Ray....from a last minute sale on his bassinet and sudden money to purchase it in time....to the blessings from my dad (like Ray's new bed, which we would have had to purchase a MUCH cheaper, not as fun bed)....to Peter's tips on his paper route....a small raise at Wendy's...etc. (I really could keep going...he is so amazing and blesses us abundantly.)
happy to be slowly sort of making friends and learning to accept that nothing will ever be like college, but that it doesn't have to be like high school either
glad to have a little man who wants my attention and climbs all over me as I try to finish this post ;)
blessed to still be close to a few special friends from college and be in contact with many more
really joyous to sometimes get news that my hubby is going to get out of work early and come home....just got that news a minute ago Yay :)

I'm sure that I could keep going as God has truly blessed me (even though I need frequent reminders of that), but, well, Ray would really like to have some attention from his mommy right now....and he is definitely more important than posting. ;)

Longest week ever....

2011-01-25T17:38:00.002-05:00

I am writing this post to express my joy in the fact that the past 6 days or so are past us now. Last week into the beginning of this week was just about the longest week I have ever had. It all started with Ray running a fever and breathing fast on Monday night. Tuesday morning he went to the doctor, Wednesday morning he frightened us by coughing up blood and going to the ER....Thursday it was back to the doctors...Friday we got to stay home, but his health seemed to be going downhill rapidly. He was super lethargic, vomiting, coughing, had diarrhea, etc. Saturday we called the doctor and on his advice went back to the ER for fluids. They also gave him something to calm his stomach and changed his antibiotic. (Note: Ray will NEVER take Augmentin again....it did NOT agree with his little system.) After that he seemed to be on the mend....however, the nasty cold weather on Monday morning sent us back to the ER as Peter was having trouble with his asthma. He was sent home with basically the same drugs as Ray because he too has an upper respiratory infection. Today has been a MUCH better day....all my men seem to be healing. :) I know that God only gives us what we can handle and that as a mommy I will have many more times when my men are ill, but holy cow, this past week was a test.
I am quite glad that this is past us now. It was a huge test of my strength. There is some proof of this in that when I went to call my OBGYN about some billing issues, I not only had trouble understanding what they were telling me, but it sent me into quite the emotional downfall and a lot of tears over nothing. Note: Try to avoid dealing with money issues while pregnant and stressed over illness in the family. ;) This morning, I had Pete call and then explain it to me and now all is clear. It's amazing what makes sense when it is not trying to be deciphered by the crazy pregnant lady. LOL
In any event....I know God has more tests for me...especially as the time for our new little one approaches, but....
Well, let's just say, we'll cross those bridges when they get here and in all of it try to remain thankful for all He does for us...even the trials.

Mixed feelings

2011-01-12T15:45:00.002-05:00

OK, I'll admit it, I really wanted a little girl this time around...actually if I am going to be honest, I wanted Ray to be a girl. ;) Now, don't misunderstand me, I love my son with all my heart and wouldn't trade him for anything. I will also love (do love) our next little boy with all my heart...it's just that....

well doesn't every mommy dream of having a little girl?

I am excited for Ray to have a brother though. I can already picture them wrestling together and with daddy. I can picture the chance that if they choose to play sports that they may someday be on the same team. I picture them sharing a room together. I look forward to them bonding as brothers and even look forward to them fighting (in some ways).

My mixed feelings are mainly that....well, I have 2 girls names in my head....and we would like 2 of each gender....so I am hoping that someday God will grant me my girls. (Note - Peter chose the boys names.)

But, for now, I look forward to being the mommy of 2 sons. :)

Tired

2010-12-30T17:05:00.004-05:00

Warning....this is going to be a venting/self pity type of post....

I have been thinking today as I sat around having a rather lazy sort of day that I am tired of a few things about myself.

I love being a mommy and wife, but I am tired of the endless struggle to try and figure out what to make for dinner for 1 and a half people almost every night. (Those of you who have another adult home every night may not understand this....)
I am tired of feeling basically incompetent as a mommy. For example....I got this amazing book entitled The Toddlers Busy Book from my step mother-in-law for Christmas. She jokingly said "as if I need more ideas," but the thing is I do need the ideas. The problem is that I am in love with so many of the ideas in the book, but I do not really know what is appropriate for Ray. I also feel quite overwhelmed when I think of even trying any of this stuff....be they crafts or other fun ideas. I think to myself...there is no way that I can pull that off...maybe other mommies can (and I know a few who could), but not me....
I am tired of my child being the only noisy one most Sunday mornings during prayer and worship....being the only one who sometimes struggles quite hard to escape our laps because he desperately wants to go and play. It makes me feel like I am doing it all wrong. (Yes, our pastor continually reassures me, but my brain doesn't accept it well....)
I am tired of feeling like I can barely handle Ray some days....whether it be because I am tired or because of my other feelings of incompetency....so how am I going to be a mom of 2 come June? I can't picture trying to nurse and occupy Ray. I can't picture being able to give enough attention to both children.
I am tired of feeling lonely....I am still not really making friends at our new church and my personality just doesn't know how to fix this. I fear the inevitable rejection that comes when I try to invite people over or try to set up a play date. I have this fear because in the past before I had children, I would try and set things up....and inevitably, sometimes at the last minute, get some kind of excuse as to why people could not come over, get together, etc...sometimes people would just not show up. (This was not really a problem in college, but before then and since then, it has been....)
I am tired of knowing that I do not exhibit a very warm, inviting personality which may put people off, but knowing that if they gave me a chance...they would find that this is mostly just an outer, protective shell.
I am tired of apartment living. It is not something that can really be changed at the moment...probably not until God finds a place for Peter to pastor....but nonetheless, I am tired.

I am not even sure why I am posting all of this other than I really needed to get it out there in the open. I think part of this results from cabin fever and maybe part results from wanting more time with adults...including my husband. I just needed to get it out. Thanks for bearing with me in my vent.

Blessing

2010-12-15T15:00:00.004-05:00

So, while my boy is pretending to nap and my husband is actually napping....I thought I would write about the amazing thing that happened to us yesterday.

I need to start by back tracking a little bit....

Every Tuesday I take Ray to play at this place called the Family Resource Center. It is sponsored by Cornell Cooperative Extension and all it is is a place where you can take your kids to play with a ton of toys for free. They also have great resources on parenting and nifty activities for the kids. The one that I go to (there are a few different ones around here between the 2 counties) happens to be in the basement (sort of) of an Episcopal church that also houses a local food pantry known as CHOW. Ray loves it there and we have gotten to know the 2 women who work there rather well...their names are Anne and Patty and they are great. If you are local, you really need to take your kids there to play.

Okay, so now that I have gone through all of that....

Yesterday I took Ray as usual and the only thing I expected from the day was that he would have fun and that I would get to make a food gift in a jar as that was the activity scheduled for the day. However, shortly after I arrived and was enjoying chatting with the adults, Anne asked me to come with her and said that they had something for us. So, I followed her into the kitchen where she proceeded to give me a frozen turkey breast and a card with money in it. She said that the people at the CHOW pantry and the church (I think...it's a bit fuzzy) asked them to pick a family that they thought was deserving and I guess even mentioned us b/c they see us every week and Ray always says hello on the way out. (You have to pass by the food pantry to get back to the main doors from the FRC.) They did not mention us by name, but Anne and Patty agreed that we would be a good choice b/c they know that Peter works 2 jobs (as well as knowing quite a bit about us). At least this is how I understand what happened....like I said, it's all a bit fuzzy.

Anyway, after the card and the turkey, Anne brought me upstairs to the other room the FRC uses and gave me a box full of food (ie:stuffing mix, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, hot cocoa, mini marshmallows, cookie mix, a nice plate for the cookies, etc) and a very large holiday bag filled with gifts. I was amazed to say the least and that was before I even opened the gifts or really had a chance to read the card as we had to get back b/c Patty was being kind enough to watch Ray while we did all this.

After I got home I read the card....here is what it said:

Quite a few years ago a Marine Sgt married a newly graduated teacher. He was sent to Vietnam and she started teaching. After his tour of duty, he was discharged, came home to a wife and baby and started college on the G.I. Bill.
Their apartment that first year was a third floor walk up in a condemned building, but he got a part time job at the college and she did some substitute teaching when she could trade babysitting with another student wife.
That first Christmas season they were thoroughly happy (pregnant again) and thoroughly broke. Two weeks before Christmas they found a small envelope on their porch with $100 in it. They asked their landlord if he had lost some money; but he said "no." Similar story with their neighbors - no one had lost money. They felt guilty keeping the "found money" but it meant there was holiday food and some presents under a tree AND they could still pay rent the following month.
Over the years there were ups and downs, but their family grew (and grew up) and they did all right.
But NOW, this particular Christmas, we've found a way to pay back that unexpected Christmas "gift." Merry Christmas, Happy New Year; And thank you ~ for allowing us to "pay it forward."

I won't go into everything that was in the bag for Raymond, the new baby, Peter, and myself or say how much money was in that envelope. I will say that we feel truly blessed and amazed at the wonders of God. I still cry when I read the card and I must have read it 100 times by now.

Thoughts as I near 33

2010-12-03T18:57:00.003-05:00

I haven't had too much to say lately, hence, no updates on here, but Monday will be my 33rd birthday....so I figured I would post a few thoughts.

Thoughts on Raymond: He continues to grow super fast both physically and mentally. He is learning despite what I feel is my ineptitude as a mother. I am always amazed when he finds a new word to say or something new to do. The other day he was pretending to have his shark toy beat up his lamb toy. It was quite entertaining. He has also gotten quite adept at getting into his high chair on his own. I tend to encourage this at meal times because he weighs 30+ lbs and frankly it saves me a lot of energy if he gets up there himself. lol I hope that he grows into an amazing young man and am super glad that God has this under control because Lord knows I am not anywhere near the perfect mom.

Thoughts on the new baby: There are days when I really look forward to June and the arrival of our new little one and there are days when I think "am I nuts? I'm not that great at caring for one." I look forward to Jan. when we can finally discover what we are having. I also pray each day for the health and happiness of this new life as well as praying that I can learn to be a better mom. I know that God gives each of us the children that he has designed for our specific family. I just have to remind myself of that more often.

Thoughts on my husband: My husband continues to be amazing. He works super hard for us everyday so that I can continue to stay home and raise our children. He even helps me around the house when needed. He does so much for us and I need to learn how to express my gratitude to him better.

Thoughts on me: I continue to learn each day. This is definitely the hardest job that I will ever do and I pray that God gives me the strength and knowledge to do it right.

Ponderings

2010-11-08T18:33:00.002-05:00

Some things that have been in my head lately....

I spend much of my alone time these days wondering if the new Mattice baby is okay. This is a problem of mine. I did the same thing with Ray during my pregnancy. I do not do well with the beginning stages where I cannot feel the baby. I NEED that once a month appointment with the ability to hear the heartbeat to reassure me. I spend time worrying about things like..."did my flu shot somehow harm the baby and I just don't know it yet" or "is the benefiber that my other doctor told me to take really okay when I pregnant" or "how do I keep Ray away from my bally when he is climbing/wrestling just in case it isn't a good idea" or...well, you get the idea.
Sadly, i do not get much better once I can feel the baby....with Ray, I spent time poking him when he wasn't moving to make him move so that I knew he was okay.
Does/did anyone else have my level of paranoia?

I also spend time wondering if I am really a good enough mom to deserve 2 babies. I mean, right now, Ray is staring at the TV so I can play on here for a bit. I am incredibly lazy as a mom and while I do not let Ray get away with stuff he should not do, I do not spend nearly enough time playing with him. It is so hard to play with him at this age....I really didn't want to create a TV addict and I am hoping to convince myself to change this somehow. (He already watches plenty of TV with daddy...lol) I just don't know if I will be a good mom once I have 2....

I also spend time marvelling at how much Ray is learning each day. He now knows what the horse, cow, and sheep say. :) He can also point at his eyes, nose, and mouth (though he would much rather point at mine). He is gaining more and more words each day and is fascinates me. He is also a great helper when asked to do something and a very affectionate little man. I am so blessed to have him.

Finally, I spend time wondering why it feels to me like my faith is weaker now than it was when I was first saved. I rarely spend time in the Word b/c I feel like it takes so much energy to do that and my prayer life lately has been sad to say the least. I have to reconnect and am lacking the means as to how right now....

????

2010-10-04T16:51:00.003-04:00

I can't think of a title for this post, so....

Okay, 1st I have to say that although the home test tells me that we are expecting baby #2, it does not feel that way to me. Maybe once we get more confirmation from the doctor I will feel more confident. It's just that other than the test and the obvious missing punctuation mark, I do not have symptoms. Now this should not surprise me, as it was the same with Ray, but....

I am already needing to start with the maternity clothes though and this feels odd. I mean I am only like 6 weeks along...it seems too early. Though I think I wore them early with Ray too. Actually at one of my early exams with Ray, the doctor thought my uterus seemed to big for how far along I was and thought maybe the dates were off or we were having twins and sent me for an ultrasound. So, I guess, in some ways, the maternity clothes early on make sense for my odd body. ;) Oddly though, as there are a total of 5 women pregnant, I feel like if I wear maternity clothes too early, that everyone (most of whom are farther along than me) is going to look at me like, why are you wearing those now? I know, it's nuts, but this is how I think.

I am also once again learning to trust God. He always seem to make sure I'm pregnant at times that I do not feel are ideal for that. With Ray, we were barely surviving to say the least and He did amazing things to show us that we need to trust in Him. I know He will do that again with my fears about our tiny apartment and possibly having 2 in diapers, but it is hard to trust.

Anyway, that's about it for now....

Ramblings

2010-09-10T18:07:00.002-04:00

So here are my latest ramblings....

We would like to move next month into a place that would accommodate more babies, but are not having much luck finding anything around here. There are not many 3 bedroom apartments and most of the ones that we can find are either too far away from Peter's jobs or out of our price range. The houses for rent in this area are WAY out of our price range - to say the least. Oh, and did I mention that the fact that we have a cat complicates things even more?

For those of you thinking, why don't you just buy a place and settle down already....? Well, one, we do not have any money saved for a down payment, and two, with Peter wanting to pastor a church someday, that option would tie us down a bit too much in the long run.

So, I am trying to trust that since God decided that the birth control option we were okay with would not work with my body,. that He must have a plan should we conceive as to where we are supposed to put another little one and all the stuff that goes with that. ;)

Speaking of that....my husband is so wonderful...the other day when I was lamenting over my saggy female areas and my big tummy and behind....he said that we would just have to get a baby into that tummy and some milk into the other area. Yes, oddly enough that made me feel much better because he knows that the only time I have been happy with my body has been when I was pregnant with Ray. I loved my pregnant body!!

In other news, I am looking forward to a new study that is starting at our church this month entitled, Marriage Built to Last. It has insights from people such as Les and Leslie Parrot, Chip Ingram, and Dave Ramsey. It looks like it is going to cover just about everything. Yay!
There is also a new group for young moms starting and that should be great....we will be going through the book of James. Finally, MOPS will be starting again soon and I gained a lot from that last year...hoping to do the same this year. :)

I guess that's about it for now. Gotta pay attention to Raymond for a while longer. (Although he is calmly watching Wonder Pets right now.) ;)

Learning to play

2010-09-02T20:13:00.003-04:00

Okay, so you see this amazingly adorable little man in my lap? Well, I have discovered lately, that I really do not feel like I know how to play with him. I had a grasp on playing with him when he was younger and I have tons of ideas for when he is a bit older, but at this age...I am at a loss. I feel bad because he spends most of his days simply entertaining himself while the noise of the TV runs in the background. I do not want the TV on all the time (even if it is age appropriate) and I want to interact with him better. I sometimes work on block towers with him or try to play cars with him, but in general, I feel lost.
My time with him usually consists of following him around the apartment and watching him play. Even when I take him to the park or to the FRC ( a local free place to play with your kids...I was going to put a link in about this, cause it's amazing, but the links on their site aren't working, drat), I just follow him around...unless he is in the swing and I am pushing him or he brings me toys.....or runs up to me for a much enjoyed hug.
He is 18 months (will be 19 months on the 15th) and I just don't know what to do with him. Did anyone else struggle here (especially those with boys)? Does anyone have tips as to how to get rid of TV while he is awake and how to play with him?

Learning to be more grateful

2010-08-04T20:39:00.002-04:00

So these past few weeks God has been challenging me a bit. I have been learning that I am not nearly grateful enough for what I have in my life. I have one of the most amazing husband's in the world and I have discovered that there are too many times in a week, or even day when I do not appreciate him enough. (Actually, I think that he is the most amazing husband, but I figured I should phrase it the other way because you all might beg to differ.) Let me explain why I think this way and what I am learning about myself in this process....

Here are some things that my hubby does for me:
1. No matter how little sleep he has had or how hard he has worked the day before (sometimes from 4pm-6am), he makes sure that I do not have to get up till Ray does and then he gives me time to read my Bible and shower before I have to start my day with Ray.
2. He encourages me all the time.
3. He will do just about anything that I ask him to do when it comes to Ray or just about anything else.
4. He works 2 not so fun jobs so that I can stay home and raise our little man.
5. He always puts us first.
6. I am sure that I could go on forever, but you are probably starting to get the point....

Now, here is what I am learning about myself....it's not pretty....
1. I am rather selfish. I never used to think this about myself, but I have been discovering it recently. I want things my way all the time and when I do not get that, I can be kind of whiny and annoying. Most of you have known me for a long time, have I always been like this?
2. I take my husband for granted. I assume that I will get to shower, read my Bible, and on some days go to the gym, while he watches Ray. Sometimes I even assume that I will get to go back to bed for a while after he comes home from the paper route. Now granted, I usually get all of this, but I need to learn how to appreciate all that he does for me.
3. I assume that an apology can fix everything...even repeated mistakes....now there's some dangerous territory.
4. I criticize way more than anyone should....especially over minor things.

All this to say, that lately, I have been seeing a lot in myself that I do not like. I used to have a much higher opinion of my friendship/relationship skills and I am learning, that really, they, well....suck.
Praise the Lord for showing us the error of our ways and forming us each day into His image.

Ever feel like you're doing it all wrong?

2010-07-22T07:05:00.003-04:00

Okay, so now that it is the next day and the thunderstorm is all over....I can update and get out of my head what was bugging me yesterday.

So, I went to a play date with my MOPS group and it was fun. Sadly we were saying goodbye to one of our members who is moving - her husband got a pastor job in a new town, so GREAT for them, but sad for us. Anyway, I was observing all the other kids and it made me wonder what I am doing wrong with Ray. You see, the ages range from either older than or younger than Ray, he's kind of in the middle.....but it seemed like all the other kids found an activity and pretty much stayed put near that activity. For example, when we were outside, the kids either stayed on the swing set or stayed near their mommies. When we were inside, they mostly stayed in the room with all the toys, or near their mommies. Raymond, however, was all over the place....outside, he wanted to explore the entire yard (and the neighbors yard...sigh) and inside he was in and out of every room that he could get to. Now, most of the other kids are mobile too, and when asked, they would come back to mommy....Ray prefers not to listen to that command. Now it's not that I minded that much because he wasn't doing anything wrong....it's just that I didn't really get to interact much with the adults (especially outside) because I was chasing him around.

So, my question is....am I doing something wrong or is it just that Ray is that independent? Peter and my mom think it is just Ray's independence and that fact that he has never been "fenced in" - no pack 'n' plays, no gates, etc. I tend to agree, just curious what you all think. (Also curious if you have any ideas as to how I can stop chasing him.) ;)

Lazy mommy

2010-07-19T18:55:00.002-04:00

So today (and on many days it seems) I had a lazy mommy moment. I'm sure you know what these are.....it is when you ignore something that your child should not be doing because it is a safe activity that is keeping him occupied long enough for you to get something done.

Yep, that's right, I ignored Ray playing in the cat food and water and making a HUGE mess, just so that I could get the dishes done that I had dirtied making cupcakes for VBS. They were items that could not go in the dishwasher for various reasons and I really didn't want to wait till after his bed time to do them, so....

I find that I struggle with consistency. I want him to leave certain things alone or not do certain other things, but I struggle to maintain consistency while still being able to do other things. He is very sneaky and the minute mommy is out of sight, he goes straight for the item or activity that he is not supposed to have/do. I can't be with him every second...I mean sometimes a girl has to pee...even if it is with the door open...lol.

Sigh...now I know why I was criticized about my consistency frequently while teaching.

Anyone else struggle in the area?

In other news, today was quite the productive day. We took Pete to a doctor's appointment this morning, cable man came and fixed issues with the phone, bug guy came and helped with the ant problem (hopefully solved now), and I made cupcakes for VBS. That's a lot for us in one day. Not to mention I actually got up way before my normal time so that I could squeeze in the gym and quiet time before Pete's 9:15 appointment. Yay me!

'Kay that's all for today. :)

Hmm...I think I'll start this up again

2010-07-17T18:18:00.002-04:00

So, I haven't been on here in quite some time...but I was thinking that typing stuff out on here can be quite therapeutic. Facebook is okay, but I just can't fit everything in there all the time.

So, anyway, here is what has been going on with us lately....

Ray is getting into just about anything he can and truly starting to test his limits. His current favorite way to get into trouble is by attempting to play with the cat food. he likes to try to put her food into her water, hence making the water a mushy mess that we have to change over. He has tried this quite a bit in the past few days and it may be his hardest lesson yet.
He knows that he is not supposed to touch it too because he will stand there and try and get closer and closer to it as I tell him no.

I have been learning to try and reach out more and try to make some other mommy friends around here, but it is not easy for me and will be a long process. I think I have some trouble finding things in common with people. Does anyone else have the problem?

Pete has been working hard and doing a great job at providing for us and being a great husband and daddy. he recently injured his wrist and has some torn cartilage and ligaments. he has to see an orthopedist and we'll see how it goes from there.

Pete's schedule at work had recently changed for the worst, but he was able to talk to his boss and the other assistant manager and hopefully he will now have Wednesdays and Sundays off. This will make it easier for us to participate in our new church more. Hopefully, this is a step in the right direction for Pete to be able to one day be in his dream job.

I guess that is really all that is going on with us right now. Maybe I will start updating this more often now that I am adjusting to being a mommy.....yes, it has taken me this long to feel fully adjusted...though everyday is still a learning process. ;)

Vacation week :)

2009-10-12T07:35:00.003-04:00

So, Peter is on vacation from Wendy's all this week and we are looking forward to having some time together. Lori and Tim are visiting today and that will be fun, Tuesday is our anniversary - 2 years, and Thursday we might be going to the MOST in Syracuse. Other than that, it will just be time spent at home with Ray....time together is something that we do not have a lot of, so it will be nice. :)

I have been spending most of my time chasing Ray around our little apartment as he has become quite the proficient crawler and has suddenly realized that there is more to his space than the living room. lol He will be 8 months old on the 15th and we are amazed at how quickly the time has gone. He has 8 teeth now - 4 on top and 4 on the bottom and is starting to look so grown up when he smiles. He sleeps fairly well at night, but does wake up from time to time and cry for a little before falling back to sleep. I thought that I could never let him "cry it out", but I was so tired of trying other methods that I gave up a little. He has never cried for more than a few minutes though, so I only feel a little horrible as a mom.

We are struggling a little with choosing a bedtime for him though....
Pete closes at work 2 nights a week (4pm-2am shift) and on those nights, Ray seems rather tired and cranky by 7:30pm or so. However, on the nights when Pete works a 10am-8pm shift, Ray seems just fine to stay up and play until daddy comes home to do bath time. (Ray is also usually tired early on daddy's days off.) So, do I try and keep up a fussy baby when I am alone, or do I put him to bed early every night - meaning that Pete would rarely see him? I know that he needs a more consistent bedtime, but am just not sure how to do this....

We are also struggling a little with the concept of a cup....
Ray seems to think that his sippy cups are chew toys and also thinks this of bottle nipples now. I have tried to get him to drink a little juice out of the little bottles of juice that Gerber makes and this kind of works....though he would rather just play with the bottle with the cap on. Any ideas on how to get him to learn to drink? (Not that he needs to yet, but I figured that we should start about now in the learning process.)

Ray currently enjoys chasing our poor Alli kitty around the house, learning to pull up (he has done this a few times now), escaping the living room, and putting just about anything in his mouth that we will let him. (He really likes to play with the 6oz cups at Wendy's - lol) Ray also truly enjoys trying to take daddy's glasses off his face and grabbing mommy's hair....2 things that he is not really allowed to do. (Someday he will understand the word - "no".)

Ray's favorite foods at the moment are bananas, sweet potatoes, and pears. However, he really only wants to eat if it is mixed with his cereal...there is just something about the smooth baby food that he does not enjoy/refuses. (I know, he's odd...lol.)

Guess that's it for now....maybe this time I will get some comments...ha ha.

Not much new....felt like I should post though....

2009-09-06T15:08:00.004-04:00

Well, there's not too much new going on here, but I felt like maybe I should post something as I haven't in a while. Ray is doing well, any day now his top 2 teeth will be coming thru - we can see them under the gums, but they haven't quite poked their way thru yet. His favorite thing to do right now is to creep around the apartment on his belly and try as much as possible to put things in his mouth that just plain don't belong there....ie: mommy's shoes, the cat (when she doesn't escape 1st or mommy doesn't see it in time), the cat bed (eeww), daddy's glasses, etc. He is quite fast too, we can't take our eyes off of him for a second....I can't imagine what my life is going to be like when he starts crawling. LOL In other Raymond news....he is now attempting to wear some 6-9 month clothes, but a good majority of then are not fitting due to his current height and weight - 18 lbs 6 oz and 27.25 inches at his 6 month check up (that was on 8/20). We have been shopping around a bit for fall clothes and a winter coat and it looks like everything we buy is going to have to be in 12 month size. (Sometimes, I feel like I have a giant baby - lol) The last weekend of Aug., we took our little family to the NY State Fair. We all had a great time! Ray rode a few kiddie rides with daddy and even fell asleep on the wiggle worm ride - it was way too cute. (I'll try and remember to post pics of that soon.) We are also struggling thru a cereal strike with him right now. He used to LOVE to eat his cereal and fruit, but now, I am lucky if he will eat anything that does not come straight from mommy. Is this normal? Did your kids go thru a phase like this? Should I worry about his nutrition?
Anyway, that's about all in the land of Ray - now on to his parents.

Mommy, is adjusting to some of the new phases of motherhood and is still (most days) in love with being a SAHM. I wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. I love knowing that my boy is happy, healthy and well cared for...something that I do not think I would be confident in if I were working and he were in daycare. I wish my hubby didn't have to work so much to make this dream work for us, but I am glad everyday that he is willing to make the sacrifice for us. I am also learning to trust in the Lord that one day, our debt load will be smaller, so Pete will not need to work quite as much - and also, one day, God will send Peter to a church to fulfill his calling of becoming a pastor.

Speaking of that - in the world of daddy....
Pete has applied to a local church for a pastoral position. We are hopeful that if he were to be selected as a candidate, that he would be able to get the position, and that the church might be willing to raise the salary slightly so that we could pay our bills on that alone. We have decided that anything other than a paper route in addition to being a pastor just wouldn't work as he has to be available 24/7 for his parishioners. The good news is is that they do have a parsonage, so rent would no longer be a concern. He is also placing his resume in other important locations. So, please, be prayerful when you think of us, that a pastoral position may work out for him in the not to distant future.

As for my family, things seem to be going well. My dad has finished the x-ray therapy treatment for his cancer and all the tests that he has had so far show that it was being killed off. Now we just wait and see, I suppose. My mom is also doing fairly well, and she hopes to come visit us soon.

I suppose that's about all I have for now. Hope all is well with everyone. :)

Is it wrong....?

2009-08-25T20:36:00.005-04:00

Today was a day of struggles....

I am struggling as a mommy from time to time...as I'm sure everyone does, but....

Ray was rather fussy today and nothing that I was doing seemed to work most of the time. he didn't want to play, eat, sleep, snuggle, have some cereal, nurse, etc. I couldn't seem to keep him calm for much time at all today. I am sure that his top 2 teethe are about to come in, but as the bottom 2 didn't phase him, I was not expecting the others to bother him either. I'm not even sure that this is what is bothering him as the typical teething solutions do not work either. He has been like this for a couple of days now and today was the end for mommy....I had many spouts of crying today.

I was frustrated at the fact that my husband has to be gone so much at work to support us. I was frustrated that I feel so alone, so often. I wanted a break.

Is it wrong that I want some extra sleep now and then? Is it selfish of me to ask my hubby who works so hard and gets very little sleep to get up early sometimes and let mommy sleep in a little? Is it wrong that I wanted time alone today? Is my dad right that now that I am a mommy, I am not supposed to sleep or have any time to myself until Ray is 21 (not to mention future children)?

I did get out for a while and go to Barnes & Noble to read and sip a smoothie. However, when I got home, I only felt guilty for not being here to nurse my boy (he had a bottle in my absence and continued to refuse cereal/fruit for the day). I also felt guilty that when I got home, he was asleep. Normally, he would have bath time around 8:30pm and then nurse/play and go to sleep at about 9pm, but tonight, though I was home in time for bath time, he was out and I missed it.

Why am I so conflicted? Why am I so selfish? Why do I feel that I am a bad mommy and that even though I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, that maybe, He just isn't going to give me enough strength?

Ray's interests

2009-08-06T10:35:00.003-04:00

OK, so technically, I updated 3 times in one day, but that was only because I found a way through my shutterfly site to post videos of Ray on here for you all to see. :) (I still can't seem to get fb to cooperate, but no big deal there.) Anyway, here is what Ray is up to lately....

He loves to play on the floor and creep around on his tummy. He does his best to try and get to his toys so that he can chew on them. He now does this with his head up and his arms reaching out. Yay!! He also loves to rollover as much as possible so that he can get around. He has started making some weird growling type sounds when he is happily playing....mommy is still unsure when these sounds come out if he is happy or annoyed. (Sometimes it is really hard to tell....) He also continues to squeal with delight (as seen in the exersaucer video) and has started giggling a lot more often. Sometimes, mommy is not quite sure why certain things make him giggle....he has a weird sense of humor....lol

Ray also loves his rice cereal mixed with apple juice and is up to about 6 tablespoons a day. He will be 6 months old on the 15th and mommy and daddy are looking forward to trying new foods with him soon.

He is getting closer to sitting up on his own and seems determined to figure out how to crawl. Mommy and daddy look forward to each new accomplishment and are really enjoying being parents. :)

Ray playing in exersaucer 7709.MOV

2009-08-06T10:18:00.002-04:00

Click here to view this video

(This video is from July.)

Ray playing with the red duckie 8509.MOV

2009-08-06T10:17:00.002-04:00

Click here to view this video

(This video was taken yesterday.)

2009-07-21T15:01:00.002-04:00

Not the most recent pic - it from when I went to visit my mom, but I like it, so I thought, why not post it here. Oh, btw, I cannot seem to get videos to work on fb, so I have a site to share those on at :http://binghamtonmatticefamily.shutterfly.com/

Now, on to the news so far this month....

Ray now has 2 teeth coming in on the bottom....they are sharp little things. :) I must say that we are very glad that teething does not seem to bother him at all. Actually, most things do not bother my ever so happy little boy. I am one lucky mama. ;) (And, yes, I have been told that the next one will be the exact opposite. lol)

Ray also enjoys creeping towards mommy - though for some reason he is much better at doing this when he is on mommy and daddy's bed than when he is on the floor. He still prefers to do this with his head down, but I am sure, one day, he will realize that it is easier if you pick your head up to move.

He is also using a sippy cup for expressed milk now on occasion (like at church on Sundays) and has been eating rice cereal for a little over a week now. Sometime this week I am hoping to start him on some apple juice.

Next month, our little family will be going to the state fair thanks to my dad. he sent Peter and I to a county fair last year (during our dark time in PA) and he called the other day to ask us about going to a fair this year. Our county fair has already passed so, we asked about the state fair and he said sure. He is paying for gas, parking, tickets, food, and a book of midway tickets. We are looking forward to seeing Ray check out the animals and maybe ride a few kiddie rides with mommy's help (or daddy's, if he wants....). Hopefully, by that time, Ray will be sitting up on his own because that, I think, would make things a little easier. I am also glad, that by then, he will be old enough for sunscreen. :)

Well, I guess that's about it for now. Besides, Ray is waking up from his nap. ;)

Time for an update I suppose

2009-07-05T17:50:00.004-04:00

Let's see....what to write....

Okay, so, the trip down to my mom's went really well. :) Ray slept pretty much the entire car ride except when I stopped to feed and change him, then he was alert and happy. He did fuss a bit towards the end, but who can blame him after being stuck in his car seat for that long.

While we were there he spent lots of time with his Grammy and got to meet his Great grand pap and his great great Aunt Madeline. he also met his great Aunt Janie and his Great Uncle Dean. He spent some time with Grammy's friend Debbie as well. It was a great trip for us, though the hubby did not survive so well on his own. ;)- We went for lots of walks while we were there too, something that we do not get to do a lot of at home. (We live off of a highway in the middle of no where....Grammy lives in town with lots of sidewalks.) We thank God for the blessing of that trip.

At his 4 month check up, Ray was up to 15lbs even and was 25.25 inches in length. He is in the 75th percentile for height and 5oth for weight and head circumference. :) (Yeah, he may have short parents, but the height genes from mommy's relatives seem to be kicking in...lol)

While he was visiting his great grand pap and his grammy, he rolled over for the 1st time and now he does not want to stop. He has also begun creeping on a regular basis, but he can't seem to get the concept that he would do much better if he lifted his head during this process. It is great fun watching him grow and learn. :) He also loves to chew on anything he can get his hands on...sometimes that item is mommy or daddy. Mommy is busy teaching him not to roll when she is changing his diaper and he listens pretty well.

OK, I guess that's pretty much it for now. Please continue to pray for my dad as his radioactive seeds do their job. Oh, could you pray for my mom too? (I can't really say why on here, but e-mail if you'd like to know.) Thanks - hope all is well with everyone. :)

Off to mom's soon...thanks to dad

2009-06-15T21:40:00.004-04:00

Update since this was 1st posted: dad's surgery went well. he is uncomfortable, but recovering. PLease continue to keep the healing of the cancer in your prayers. Thanks :)

Okay, so my dad decided to offer up some money for me to go to my mom's in about a week. he is paying for gas and food both ways. He said that it is his birthday gift to my mom...I know, odd since my parents have been divorced for years. The thing is, they have been talking a lot since I got married and even more since Ray came into the picture and have rekindled a friendship that never really died. It's nice that they get along...not many children of divorced parents can say that.

So, anyway, it looks like I will be visiting my mom after all. I will most likely head out on the 22nd and return the following Saturday. This is assuming that all goes well at Ray's 4 month checkup on this coming Thursday....not that there is any reason it wouldn't. (Oh, Pete will be borrowing one of his father's trucks...thus solving our vehicle conundrum.) (Isn't it great that his dad is willing to do that for us?)

If there are any ideas as to how to make a 6 hour trip with a nursing baby go smoothly, please let me know. Also, any packing ideas for baby?

Now, as for my dad's situation...his surgery to have the seeds implanted is tomorrow at 1:30pm. He will be having a sedative and a spinal as they fear the knocking him out could kill him given his heart condition. Please pray that all goes smoothly and continue to pray that this cancer is healed. Thanks.

That's it for now. Hope to write again soon. :)

Ugh

2009-06-04T16:03:00.003-04:00

Okay, so Ray slept thru the night for about a week and now has reverted to waking up and wanting to eat. Actually, the past few nights, he has woken up 2 or 3 times wanting to eat...I know this may seem small to all of you, but he has never woken up more than once a night since birth. Is there any way to make him go back to sleeping? Mommy wants rest....

(Well, as much as I can get anyway....you see our alarm goes off every morning at about 2:30 or 3am so that Pete can get up for his paper route. Once he is off I can go back to sleep for limited amount of time depending on Ray's eating schedule.)

Oh, my dad's surgery is set for June 16th....keep praying please.

Also, my mom REALLY wants to see Ray, but I cannot figure out how to make it financially possible top rent a car to head down there and pay for gas. (Pete needs our car to get back and forth to work.) Any ideas? (It's about a 6 hour drive.)

Another day in the life

2009-05-28T20:06:00.002-04:00

1st to answer Lori's ? - no, my dad will not be having chemo...he will have the seeds implanted and then will have x-ray therapy using a targeted beam of radiation.

Then...on to life....not too much new to say here really, I just wanted to post this cute new pic of my little man. :) (He has been getting much better at tummy time!)

Also, Ray is sleeping in his crib now and most nights makes it thru the night without waking up. (yay!)

Update on my dad

2009-05-23T08:41:00.002-04:00

Okay, I can't remember if I posted on here about this (I know I did on FB), but anyway....

My dad has prostate cancer and I now have info about his upcoming procedures. He had his volume study yesterday. This is a procedure to determine how many radiation seeds they need to implant and where they are going to place them. It went well. The next step is presurgical testing and that takes place on the 29th. His surgery (to implant the seeds) will take place on June 4th.

Please keep him in your prayers. Specifically for the surgery and also for this....due to the radioactive nature of the seeds and the fact that this radiation, designed to kill any growing cell, will emit from his body, he is not allowed to be within 6 feet of Ray for at least 3 months afters his surgery. This obviously upset him and bothers me as well....he lives a couple of hours away and has only been able to make it down here twice to visit Ray. Now, he will not be able to see him at all until after Ray is over 6 months old.

I guess that's all I have for right now. Hopefully a more positive post in the next few days.

Date with my husband

2009-05-16T21:33:00.006-04:00

Today was a great day!! Peter had a schedule change so instead of having tomorrow off, he had today. Well, my dad had sent us a Visa gift card, so Peter and I had his dad and step mom come on down to watch Ray for a little while and we went out to lunch at Olive Garden. It was great to have some couple time. After our lunch, we hit some stores to check out prices on a few things and then went for a nice walk along the Rail Trail. It was wonderful. (Don't get me wrong, I almost cried trying to leave Ray with someone other than me or the nursery workers at church....but I survived.)

Ray also did fairly well being away from mommy for almost 3 hours...though he is not old enough yet to have separation issues. ;)

Pete and I really enjoyed ourselves and look forward to being able to do it again.

Also, here are some new pics of my baby boy....

Ray updates

2009-05-07T16:11:00.008-04:00

We developed a new roll of film today, so the main reason I am here is to post some new pics, but I also have a question for my mommy friends.

Question: Did any of your little ones ever fight you on nursing? What I mean is, for the past week or so, Ray will start showing the early hunger signs, so I pick him up to feed him, but then all he wants to do is hit me, kick me in the ribs (we use the "football hold") and then start to cry. he is usually fine a while later, but this concerns me. I am sure that he is getting enough food as he is gaining weight and the doctor says not to worry, but I was wondering what you all thought.

P.S. We have a digital camera on lay-a-way at K-Mart, so in a month or so, the photos will be much more frequent. :)

Compromised e-mail

2009-05-04T20:11:00.002-04:00

So in today's events....

We found out that Pete's e-mail has been compromised. Someone is using Pete's e-mail address (well, now it is his old e-mail address) to send out some bogus e-mail stating that he is stranded in England and needs thousands of dollars. It went out to everyone in his contact list. We now have to figure out how to shut down his old account so that the law does not come after him for fraud. Anyone know how to do this? (Lori, is this part of Tim's expertise?)

Ray's continuing treatment

2009-04-28T09:05:00.002-04:00

Ray had another check up at the doctors yesterday and things are improving. (Actually, I have to give credit to Lourdes Pediatrics because his next scheduled appt was not until 5/7, but they called yesterday to check on him and since I mentioned that he seemed to be improving, they asked if I wanted to bring him in...so, I made an appt and went on over.) :) Anyway, the doctor didn't hear hardly any wheezing! :) Ray still needs to be on the pulmocort (sp?) for about 2 months and the albuterol as needed for wheezing and/or coughing, but he is on the mend. The doctor did say that he is not ready to give a diagnosis of asthma yet, but I suppose that this is still a looming possibility. I think that this is also why he has to stay on the meds for so long. I am hopeful that he will not inherit asthma, but I suppose there are many much worse things that could happen.

Side note: When they weighed him, he was already at 13lbs 12oz!! He has almost doubled his birth weight!

In other news: Have I mentioned lately how much I love my husband and how hard he works for us? My amazing man, gets up at 3am to complete a paper route that takes about 2 hours to finish with over 100 houses on it. Then he comes home and takes about a 2 hour nap. He gets up, gives Ray his medicine, takes a shower, and then he has to be at Wendy's by 10am to work until 8pm (most days, on Fridays, he works a 4pm to 2am shift and then does the Saturday papers, and then goes to work from 10am to 8pm at Wendy's). He works so hard for us so that I can stay home and raise our son and I just wanted to mention on here how much I love him. God has truly blessed me!

Update on my little man

2009-04-23T10:56:00.003-04:00

Ray is still sick, obviously as it would not go away this fast, but here is the latest on his treatment.

He is now on the albuterol treatments as I think I mentioned before, but he is also be given the baby version of prednizone (I can't remember it's name right now.). He has to take this twice a day whether he is wheezing or not. At his follow up appointment, he was not getting worse, but he was not really improving either and there is a STRONG family history of asthma to take into account. (Peter has it, my mom does, Pete's mom did, and Pete had 2 uncles that died from it.) So, as he was not improving, and with the history, the doctor felt it best to add this medication into his treatment. He said that it should help reduce the inflammation in his lungs.

It seems to be helping a lot, so at this point in time, I agree with our doctor. I really like our pediatrician anyway, though.

That's it for now, hopefully, the Mattice household will be healthy again soon. ;)

My little man is sick

2009-04-21T11:31:00.002-04:00

First - thanks for all the advice...Pete and I read it all and have made some decisions about the crib. Our current plan is to start having him nap in there next week and then after that see if he can handle it at night as well. (though my mom is convinced that if I do this before 6 months, he will die of SIDS) I really don't have much of a choice anyway as he is almost too long for his bassinet.

In other Ray news: he is sick with RSV....nothing serious, just a bad cold, but he does have to have albuterol breathing treatments at home adn we are running the humidifier more often. We are also using little noses with some suction afterwards to help clear the mucous. He goes back to the doctor on Thursday so I'll let you know how it goes.

That's about it for now...

Ray's first shots

2009-04-18T21:21:00.003-04:00

We went to the doctor on Thursday for Ray's 2 month check up and his first set of vaccines. His check up went well, he is still a healthy GROWING boy. He is now weighing in at 13lbs 3 oz and is 23.25 inches in height - his head measures just over 15 inches.

He has outgrown just about all of his 0-3 month clothing and we have moved on to the larger sizes - thankfully due to many blessings, we have lots of clothing. (Actually, we have clothing thru 4T because my sister-in-law sent us a bunch of her boys' old things.) WE will soon be moving on to the next size in diapers. Another blessing for us has been that we have not had to buy more than one package of diapers since he was born and that was only because we ran out of newborn diapers slightly before he was ready for the size ones - we do not have many size twos though, so we will now begin buying our own diapers. :) God has been great!! (and will continue to be I am sure, because He is truly amazing....)

Ray does not seem to have had any reactions to his shots - he has a slight cough now and seems a little stuffy, but he might be getting a cold as the weather has been a bit off lately. (Near winter temperatures last week and the past few days have been almost summer like - not that I would complain about the last few days, they have been great!)

He has been smiling now for a few weeks and it is great!! I love watching him smile and giggle. he likes to giggle at his own reflection in the microwave door...but does not seem to care much about seeing himself in the mirror - weird huh? He "talks" to us pretty much whenever he is awake and it's fun - he even coos while he is eating. :) He is also getting closer to rolling over from what we have been observing so far - I'll let you know when he does. :)

Now, on to some questions I have for all you mommies out there....

1)When should Ray move to his own room? He is in a bassinet in our room right now and has been since birth. I was planning on waiting till he slept thru the night for him to move to his own room in the crib, but he has not slept thru the night yet - close, but not quite yet. Just wondering what your opinions are on this matter.

2)How often did you bathe your little ones at this age? Right now he gets a bath twice a week, but I was thinking of moving that up to every other day - what do you think?

3)He lifts his head up well when he is on our chests right now but seems to have little interest in this when he is trying tummy time on his mat. Did any of you experience this? (The nurse said this was normal, but I am curious as to your experiences.)

4) Are there any books you suggest I read on babies? I am reading What to Expect the First Year and it is okay, but I would like other ideas as well....some of her thoughts aren't the greatest.

Prayer request

2009-04-07T12:57:00.002-04:00

Hi there. I am writing this post a little later than planned, but now I have all the details, so I can better ask for prayer.

Recently, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The doctor says that it is 100% infected and that they cannot save any of it. As a result of the extent of his infection, he cannot have surgery to remove the prostate as it would likely infect other areas of his body should they try that. So, his only treatment option is to have radioactive seeds implanted in the prostate and then once they have reached their half life, to have 25 treatments of x-ray therapy (radiation). (Five days a week for 5 weeks)

I would like to ask for prayer for healing. I also would like to ask for prayer that my dad can find a way to get back and forth to his treatments. He has been told that the therapy will most likely exhaust him to the point where he will be unable to get out of bed, much less drive to the hospital. He lives alone and his fiancee will not be able to get that much time off work. I cannot help now that Ray is here. My dad does not want to impose on his friends by asking them because that would mean that they would have to take time off work. Please pray that offers of help pour in and that my dad will accept them.

In other news, I just laid Ray down to sleep and decided to hop in the shower...thinking he was out....he was not quite out yet and I had to shower listening to him cry a little whiny "I don't want to sleep" cry on the monitor. Yuck! :( (Oh, you should probably know that he has a tendency to fight sleep at times.)

Recent pics of Ray

2009-04-03T13:19:00.004-04:00

Life with Ray

2009-03-25T21:39:00.002-04:00

So far my life as a SAHM (yay, I can finally state that this is my job) is going well. Ray sleeps for about a 4 hour stretch after he first goes to bed at night before he wakes up wanting to eat. he is not really a crying baby, he just sort of grunts to let you know that it is time to take care of his needs. He then wakes up about every 2 hours after that...so, we aren't really lacking in sleep as much as I now we could be.
During the day, he is starting to wake up a little bit more here and there and I am looking forward to his awake time more and more. He has sort of started to smile and is definitely cooing. he is also focusing on our faces and on his when he sees it in the microwave door reflection - our card/changing table (improvised by my mom) is set up across from that.
He is already up to 9lbs 10oz and 21 3/8 inches long. Yay!
I am down to 174 from a pregnancy weight of 196 - pre-pregnancy was 165. The only bad thing about this is that although my weight was about this at the time of my wedding, my clothes still don't fit right due to a change in shape. Ugh. This includes some of my tops seeming shorter because I went from a 38b to a 40d - ?!
Okay, maybe more to come tomorrow, but for now, Ray needs a bath and then more food. :)

Labor and delivery (better a late post than none at all)

2009-03-21T11:05:00.002-04:00

Okay, so now that I finally have internet at home and Ray is sleeping for a bit, I can post about my labor experience. :)

On 2/15/09 at about 4:30am, I was trying to sleep and my water broke. So, I called my mom in to make sure that I was right about what had just happened and to have her see if it was clear fluid. (I could see as it had landed all over my sheets and I had been laying on my side.) All was well, so I called Pete (he was in the middle of his paper route) and let him know what was going on.
-None of us had anything ready to go as Ray was 11 days early.-
I had some breakfast and chatted with my mom for a while as I was not having contractions yet. Then around 7am we decided that it was time to call my midwife who then told us to head to the hospital because I had to start having the needed antibiotics every 4 hours until he was born.
The labor took what seemed like forever and I did cave in a bit on the pain medication issue. (I originally didn't want to have any....)I ended up having to ask for 2 doses of Fentanyl(sp?) and they helped to ease the pain enough for me that I made my way through it....though I know that more than once I told Pete that I couldn't do it. Sometime in the evening, my midwife said that she needed to give me some Pitocin(sp?) to help the labor along because I was not dilating fast enough and she was pretty sure that without it, I would end up too tired to push. (She was right as I was getting fairly tired at that point.)
So, they gave me that drug and things progressed much faster....
All in all, I think things went well....the only complaint that I have is that near then end, when I really felt that it was time to push, we had to push the call button 3 times before a nurse arrived with my midwife and realized that I was right....it was time.

As for being a mom, I am enjoying it....more on that in a day or so....

About to have internet again

2009-03-12T13:11:00.003-04:00

I can't write too much of an update right now as we are at the library with Ray, but i wanted to let everyone know that as of next Thursday (3/19), we will have internet at home again. We will also have a home phone again - I'll e-mail the number to those who might like it.

Things are going well for the most part....I will give a better update next week. :)

Welcome to the world!!

2009-02-20T12:47:00.009-05:00

Feb. 15, 2009

Announcing the arrival of Raymond Dwight Georgia Mattice!! (He is named for his great grandfather on Peter's side.)

On this date, our son was welcomed into the world....he weighed in at 7lbs. 13oz and was 21 and 3/4 inches long. He has a fairly full head of black/brown hair and his eyes are currently a bluish gray in color - though who know what color they will end up being 6 months from now. He is beautiful...though I may be biased. ;)

He arrived at 10:38pm.

Here are some pictures for you all to see....more details about labor and such to follow at another time....I have to get home soon to feed him and relieve my mom of babysitting duty. (Though, that is not hard as all he does is sleep right now.) :)

Just a quick update

2009-02-05T16:28:00.003-05:00

Hi there,
Fisrt, thank you to all who posted advice!!!! I am absorbing as much as I can at the library and will probably come back later to read through all of your comments again. :)

Second, I had an appointment with the midwife yesterday and all is still going well. She said that the baby is head down (though he has been at most of my exams, so I guess I wasn't too worried about that). Also, it looks like my mom will be arriving on Tuesday (2/10). it still needs prayer for safe driving and that all will work out, but so far, so good.

Finally, (for the moment anyway), just pray for the birth of my little baby boy. I will have to be on antibiotics during it because I have Group B strep bacteria. I guess it is fairly common, so you may or may not have heard of it, but in any event if I do not have the antibiotics, it could pose a serious risk to the baby if he were to encounter it on the way out. They did tell me that I can just have a port though, so I do not have to be hooked up to the IV constantly and can move about as I wish/need to. Good news....our hospital has private birthing suites with either a tub or a shower and all kinds of other great features. :)

That's it for now. Hope to "talk" to you all soon.

Baby randomness

2009-01-22T15:25:00.002-05:00

So, I realized that I hadn't posted much about the baby lately, so here is a bit of an update....

I am seriously beginning to run out of room in there....or so it seems anyway. He has been kicking me a lot in my rib cage lately and though I am measuring at what I am supposed to, it seems like I do not have any more room left for him to grow. LOL (I'm sure you all felt this way as you reached into the last month or so also.)

Oh, speaking of measurements, we finally asked the midwife (well, one of the 2 that I see at the clinic) about my measurements and that prompted a discussion about the fact that we had been given 3 different due dates....anyway, things have finally been narrowed down to 1 due date and that is (drum role please...) 2/26/09. Now, I know that our little one will come when he is ready, but it is reassuring to actually have a due date now. That date btw is one day after my pap's birthday and if I were to go on 2/25 instead that would mean that he has 1 grandchild and 3 great-grandchildren born on his birthday...my mom would love for this to happen, but we shall see. :)

Oh, my mom is scheduled to come up for a month from 2/11-3/11 and we could use prayer that this will all work out as planned. The goal is to have her here for the end of the pregnancy to help us with labor and preparations as well as to have her here for a little while after the baby is born. She is excited and determined to be here....just pray that it works out well.

We have been blessed with some free items for the baby and it has been great to see God working in this area of our lives. I am not sure what I have mentioned before, so here is a list (hopefully I am not repeating myself too much)....

a convertible crib with mattress
a bouncer (missing the toys for the toy bar, but otherwise it's great)
a basic pack 'n' play
a changing pad
some clothes
and we have been offered a bathtub - we are in the process of deciding on this item

Also, I have a question for those of you who nursed....did you have to pump a lot and if so, did you have to store a lot of milk? We were wondering if we needed to look at storage systems as well as pumps. (We plan on getting a pump so that Peter can feed as well using a bottle when needed.) Let me know what you think....also feel free to let us know anything else that you think we should know as 1st time parents.

Okay, I guess that's about it for now. Hope to hear from you all soon. :)

In Loving Memory

2009-01-15T14:32:00.002-05:00

Peter and I recently had to put Daisy to sleep, so this post is in loving memory of my Daisy kitty.

Last week, we took her to the vet because she had a sever infection in her eye. The vet explained that they would have to remove the eye and that the surgery would cost about $1500. The only payment plan they had was through a credit card company that we just got out of debt with and we simply could not afford the surgery. As a result of this and her advanced age, Peter and I made the extremely difficult decision to have her put to sleep. I still cry when I look at her pictures, but I am trying to move on. (Pregnancy hormones are not helping much with this)
Alli is adjusting to her loss as well and has been asking for even more attention lately....hopefully this will ease up before our baby boy arrives.

I wish that I had internet at home so I could place a pic of my Daisy on this post....she will be missed.

(P.S. Gurt - thanks so much for the baby book and cloth diapers/spit up cloths!! We were not expecting that and feel very blessed by your gift!!) :)

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T15:24:00.003-05:00

Hi everyone,

Just a quick little note to wish you all a Merry Christmas! Not too much new is going on here. We are at my in-laws place and I am hoping that I can get the ultrasound pic to work from here. (Our computer at home is messed up - our CD-rom drive won't acknowledge blank CDs, nor will our floppy drive, and our DVD drive is also malfunctioning....agh!) Anyway, that's about all I know.....hopefully, here is a pic of our little boy. :)

Answers to questions :)

2008-12-17T10:28:00.003-05:00

Okay, here are the answers to the many questions that Jackie asked and that others may be wondering. ;)

Car seat/stroller combo - My mom has purchased and will be bringing up during her month long visit around the due date.

Swing - I purchased a really nice used one at a flea market over the summer.

Changing table - At the moment that is a space issue - so, my mom said that if the dressers that we are getting are the right height, she would make us a changing table type pad for the top - otherwise, we will just use the floor, etc.

Diaper bag - I was able to purchase this item with a gift card that I got from my dad's fiance for my birthday.

Diaper pail - We were not planning on getting this because there is a dumpster in the apartment complex - so I guess we figured that we would just empty the trash more often (not a whole lot of space to put one in anyway).

Pack 'n' play - We have looked at a few, but did not put it on the registry because we figured it was an item that would be out of most people's price range.

So, hopefully that helps out a little....I will try to keep updated. (I still have not gotten our ultrasound scanned, but maybe by next week I will have it together enough to have that done.) :)

(P.S. As to Lori's concerns, I will take your advice and keep it in mind - though I am using a midwife, so I hope that helps with eliminating some of the things that a doctor may be more likely or eager to push on me.)

We're having a boy!

2008-12-11T15:57:00.002-05:00

Yep, that's right....we FINALLY know what we are having and it's going to be a boy. :) It was a bit of a surprise since I was convinced that we would be having a girl, but we are happy. (So much for my maternal instincts though...LOL)

We do have a name picked out, but I would rather share that when he arrives. Out current due date is anytime between 2/22 and 3/4. He is going to come whenever he wants to anyway, so, I am using the due date as a guideline and nothing more.

There has been a lot more movement lately and it's has been exciting.....well, except when I am trying to sleep. LOL Sometimes, we can even see the movement on the outside....he really seems to like music and church. He also seems to enjoy when our pastor gets excited during a sermon. :)

I had hoped to post our ultrasound photo today, but I forgot to scan it onto a disc to bring to the library with me....so, next week, I should be able to load that in so that you can all get your first look at our little one.

In other news....
We met with our pastor last week to work on some budgeting items and though it was a little overwhelming, we now have a starting point. We will be slowly paying off debt for what seems like forever, but we have learned and are still learning just how much we need to rely on God in this area.
We have been building a new track record with Him (a phrase our pastor recently used) in that we are learning to look for his blessings and provisions and learning to take the risk of tithing and giving the money to Him (as it all belongs to Him anyway). Financially things are not great, but we are surviving and paying who we are able to....we have finally reached a point, where we both realize that this is the best that we can do at the moment.

Recent blessings....
I will be receiving one or two small dressers from the furniture that was left in my grandma's house (ie:not named in the will, but free for the taking prior to an estate sale) that I can use to organize the items in my desk and to store baby clothes. The desk thing is big because this way I can purge us down to just the computer desk, thus making room for a crib in a few months. :)
I will also be receiving a free crib when the time comes as a freind of ours at church has one that she would like to give us.
Also, today, we found a few baby outfits at the Salvation Army for $10.00 total. Yay! (Don't worry, all of the used clothes that I have been collecting look brand new.)
Finally, a little while ago, Pete's dad got a 2nd deer and half of it belongs to us.

Okay, I guess that's about it for now. Hopefully I will be back next week to let you know more.

(P.S. We registered today at Target and Wal*Mart - Target for items and Wal*Mart mainly for clothing.)

Baby movement

2008-11-20T16:22:00.002-05:00

Well, I am at the library again, so I thought that I should update a little....though there really is not much to say. :)

Peter and I are adjusting to the new place as are the kitties. Alli has decided that daddy's head is the absolute best place to sleep at night....daddy is not so sure about this. LOL
Daisy is beginning to show her age and we are worried about her....she went to the vet this morning and got some antibiotics for a respiratory infection, but they said that if she does not perk up in the next few weeks that it could be signs that her kidneys or other organs are starting to shut down (she is 12 - a senior citizen for a kitty).

I have been working on unpacking the new place - slowly, but it is getting there - as well as trying to figure out what we can donate in order to make more room for the baby. Tomorrow will be the first trip to the Salvation Army to rid ourselves of a few unwanted/unneeded items. I will also be selling most of my collectible Barbies - if you know of anyone in the market - let me know.

I have felt the baby move a bit more often (and more obviously) lately and that has been kind of fun. Peter got to feel his first official kick last Friday while we were watching a movie. He enjoyed that experience. :)
Our next doctor's visit is on 12/3 and we are hoping at that time to schedule the next ultrasound as well. So, maybe sometime after that, I will be able to tell you all what we are having. ;)

Well, I guess that's it for now. Maybe I will have more to say next week. God Bless!

Peter's car issues

2008-10-31T12:43:00.002-04:00

To answer Gurt's question, the following things are wrong with Peter's car....

1) It needs 2 new tires
2) It needs a heater fan switch (no heat or A/C working right now)
3)and possibly will need something done with the brakes (plus your standard oil change)

We have to get the switch from the dealer, but the good news is, it is an inexpensive part. It is the other repairs that will cost us.

Thanks for the offer of help....maybe we can figure out a way to get together anyway. I don't think that I have your e-mail address anymore though....hmmm. By the way, Gurt, what happened to your blog?

Okay, that's it for my brief update....I can't seem to type well or concentrate right now anyway...it's probably time to eat again. Did anyone else get really foggy if they didn't eat on time while pregnant?

We have moved

2008-10-28T15:10:00.002-04:00

Hi there,

Well, we have moved and are now back in NY. We still do not have internet access as we are not sure that that is in our budget at this time. Anyway, I had to go to the library for some directions (my Grandma Cross passed away last week and I need to find the cemetery for her services), so I figured I would give a brief update.

Pete is doing well in his new position as an assistant manager and has also picked up a morning paper route to help supplement our income. It is tiring, but he seems to be adjusting and assures me that all is well.

I am working on unpacking and have applied for a job that is near Pete's as we are sharing a car right now. (His needs some work, so we are saving to fix it....once that is done, we are going to sell mine in order to get rid of the monthly expense of a car payment.)

As far as I know all is well with the pregnancy. I have an appointment in Nov. with a new doctor back here in NY. I worry sometimes because with all of our problems down in PA, I am a bit past when I should have had an appointment and another ultrasound. I am trying to learn not to worry so much. (I think that I have started to feel movement.... :) )

As for the old apartment....let's just say for now that there were a lot of problems with the landlady there and we are still working on resolving them. I would go into more detail, but time on the computer is limited and I don't really want to think about any of that right now.

I will update when I can.....hope you all are doing well.

Quick update

2008-09-26T12:37:00.002-04:00

Hi all,

I am at the mall as we have shut down our internet for the time being....so, this will be short.

Anyway, Pete got an assistant manager position back up at the Wendy's in NY and has been there for a couple of weeks now. We will be moving again sometime after 10/15 when our new apartment is available.

Things were/are a mess with the old place....I will fill you in on the details sometime....too much to go into right now.

I am not sure when we will set up our internet again (budget concerns), but I will post when I can. Right now, I am visiting my mom, so I have not been hunting down access recently. :)

Okay, that's it for now...when I get a chance to get online again, I'll let you know how things are going.

September's Post

2008-09-07T18:14:00.037-04:00

I've been told we've only been posting about once a month so here's September's post. First the Mattice's Pennsylvania experiment is almost over as Pete just got an assistant manager job back up in New York with his old Wendy's franchise. He will begin training in Sayre, PA on September 22 and then will be moved to the Owego Wendy's in about four to six weeks after that. He is very happy in that he feels like he finally found a job in which he is able to support us.
In baby news I had an appointment on Thursday and we were able to hear the baby's heartbeat again. The nurse kept poking me because the baby wouldn't keep still. Pete joked that the baby was like him. We also had our WIC appointment on Thursday and they gave us three months worth of checks. It felt really good to be able to go to the store and get milk, juice, cheese and peanut butter without having to worry about the cost.
If you noticed that this didn't read like one of my usual posts it is because Pete Ghost Wrote this post for me. I just stood behind him and edited his spelling and told him to move the cursor so I could see. Over all just irritating him the entire time.

1st ultrasound pics

2008-08-08T16:40:00.005-04:00

Well, we had our 1st ultrasound visit today and I have some pics that I decided to post - even though our little one is only about 2 inches long. :) We were able to hear the heartbeat today and that was cool....we also saw the baby stretch itself out while the tech was scanning. I think that may have been the best part of my day.

If you're wondering why I would have an ultrasound this early....well, the nurse midwife who examined me yesterday thought that my uterus seemed large for 10 weeks so she wanted an ultrasound to measure the length of the baby and double check how far along I might be.

The 1st measurements confirmed the 10 week mark, but the baby was all scrunched up....after he/she stretched out, the tech decided that it looks like I am closer to 11 weeks2days. So, my new due date is looking like Feb. 26th rather than March 2nd. My mom and Pap would love it if I went on Feb. 25th as that is Pap's birthday and he has had a couple other great grandkids born on that day. Who knows....maybe I'll be next....LOL.

The visit did make this all seem more real to both of us and that was great. I think we needed it to be more "real" so that we can start being grownups about certain aspects of our lives.

Thank you for all the advice and comfort in the comments as of late. We will be thinking about everything and making some hard decisions. (I may also be calling some of you for comfort/venting.)

Okay, I guess I had better be going as it is pouring outside and I am not sure if it is going to turn into a thunderstorm or not. (I have fried my internet once before by leaving the computer on in a t-storm....would rather not do that again....LOL.)

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JENNY IDZI TOMORROW (8/9/08)!! I believe it's the big 30 this year! Yay!!

Update on life

2008-08-05T12:13:00.000-04:00

Hi there - sorry that I have updated since the pregnancy announcement....I just haven't felt much like being on the computer. So, now that I am up to it (for a little while anyway) - here is an update on the lives of the Mattice family....

Pregnancy - So far everything in this area seems to be going fine. I have my 1st appointment with a local women's health clinic (low cost place with a team of nurse practitioners, nurse midwives, social worker, and nutritionist....who work closely with the doctors at the local hospital) on the 7th. They will be doing lots of blood tests, tests for STDs (which I find odd, but they said that some of them are mandated by law - though I can and plan to refuse th HIV test), will have me meet with the social worker and nutritionist, as well as a few other things. We will be applying for medical assistance as Pete's insurance probably would not be that good and we haven't applied for it yet (more on that later).

I did have some spotting recently and it worried me that my job might be causing it. I know that it can be perfectly normal, but I went to the doctor anyway and to be on the safe side, he took me out of work until my 1st "OB" appointment. So, I will be discussing with them if all the lifting and bending, etc. that I have to do at work is safe or not....I have been out for about 3 weeks now on a medical leave. (On a positive note, I have not had any spotting since the leave started.)

Okay, now is the part where some of you will end up jealous....I have only really had 2 bouts of morning sickness - once when I tried to take my prenatal vitamins on an empty stomach (wow, what a really bad idea that was) and then the other day for some reason brushing my teeth made me ill. For the most part, I do not feel any different than I normally would. Though, I have noticed recently, that even with food, my vitamins make me nautious for about an hour or so after I take them. Did anyone else have this problem?

I have been having some trouble being truly as excited as I thought I would be when I became pregnant. As much as I want this little one (and Pete does too), I can't help but think about our current situation and wonder how we are ever going to raise a child....

Current Situation - We are in a super huge financial bind right now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. So far, Pete still only has the 1 job at Wendy's and it doens't pay nearly enough now does he get that many hours. I have Wal*Mart, but as I mentioned earlier, I may be leaving that anyway. We took a pay cut moving here and are behind on the bills. We had to borrow money to pay the rent this month and if I don't pay something on my car soon, I will get a letter about it being taken away.

The apartment still does not feel like home to me and we still have not completely unpacked. The ants are getting worse and have invaded my trash can. The landlady is not willing to do anything about them....ugh.

Pete has been looking around for jobs that involve a salary and I am attempting to look. I am having a bit of trouble motivating myself to look though due to the fact that I know that any interview I go on, it would be in the back of my mind that I would need to leave in March....but if I tell them that I would not get hired....

Anyway, this post has been rather long....so for now I am just going to ask for prayer. We need prayer that Peter can find a better job, with benefits, that the pregancy goes well, that we can both get out of the slight depression that we are in right now, etc. Thanks.

We have news!!

2008-07-09T12:03:00.003-04:00

Hi there,

I know that some people are superstitious about when to tell this kind of news, but well, we decided that we can't wait....

WE'RE PREGNANT!!

Pete and I aren't quite sure why God decided that now was the time, but we are happy about it and looking forward to the pregnancy and the changes it will bring. And, in time, the changes a baby will bring. :)

I do not know how far along I am yet because I have to wait for Pete's new insurance to kick in before I can see an OBGYN, but my regular physician did confirm with a 3rd pregancy test that we are expecting. I should be able to see an OBGYN in August - thankfully that is not too far away.

We will soon be needing advice on baby item purchasing, cutting expenses, etc....so, feel free to give your two cents. :)

That's it for now from the new parents to be. ;)

I'm back

2008-07-02T20:48:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to let you know that I have returned to the Internet/blogging world. :) We are still in the process of moving in, but things are coming along. Here are a few interesting things from the past few days....

The move: So it took us forever (or at least what seems like it) to move. Pete made multiple trips down here last week with cars full of boxes and fragile items and then my father-in-law came down on Saturday and Sunday with his truck and trailer to move our furniture and even more boxes. I kept asking myself....why on earth do I have so much stuff? (I suppose everyone asks that when they move though.) it decided to rain only a little bit on Saturday, but by the time we got down here Sunday night it was pouring....actually we found out later that a small tornado had hit a neighboring town and some of the side effects hit here. While driving in a complete downpour for the latter portion of our trip, we arrived almost to the driveway to our apartment only to find a tree blocking the road and a downed power line (at least I think it was a power line...there weren't any sparks though). So, with no place to turn around, Pete's dad had to back the truck and trailer up for quite a distance until he could turn around. When we arrived at our apartment there was not any power....fortunately, our landlady let us put stuff in her garage so that we could at least get the truck and trailer unloaded. We have been slowly moving items upstairs ever since. There were a few items damaged in the move, but nothing that can't be replaced....so overall, I think God was watching out for us during this whole process.

The cats: Daisy adjusted immediately to the new place and decided to explore both the upstairs and downstairs portions of her new home. Alli, on the other hand, decided to spend most of her daytime hours during the first two days or so under the bed cowering in fear. Let's just say the my Alli girl does not adjust well to change. She is doing better now though and they both love all the windows in this place and the fact that we are surrounded by nature.

Jobs/BBC/S: I started at Wal*Mart today and it seems like things will work out okay there for now. I got a 5 cent raise and will be getting full time hours. I was also assured today by my manager that he tries to rotate hours so that I will not be working all night shifts. Yay! Pete has started at Wendy's and things seem to be going fine...he just has to adjust to the little differences between this store and the last one.
Sadly today we were informed by BBC/S that Peter has not been accepted. He called to inquire as to why and they explained that they would like him to take a year to work on paying off some of his debt first and then he may reapply. The chaplain there did agree to help us out with a plan for that. Pete still feels that it was in God's plan for us to move here and he will be looking for a second (or maybe even a third) job to help with our debt situation.

The apartment: I am enjoying the new place so far. It is so quiet here and with all the woods around us and the fact that we have two floors, it seems like I have a little mini house now. ;)

The only disadvantages so far are that we have carpenter ants, there is no outlet in the bathroom for my hair dryer, and we may have mice soon (I found turds in the kitchen drawers). Although, Alli is an expert mouse catcher. :)

OK, I guess that's it for now. I have to be going soon anyway, the overhead light in this room has burnt out and we haven't had the money to buy a new bulb yet....making it really hard to see the keyboard. LOL

Temporary loss of internet

2008-06-23T12:11:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone,

My internet access will be gone as of today and so I will not be updating until sometime after the move. Once we have internet again, I will post and let you know how everything is going.

God bless!

The move is about to begin

2008-06-13T12:50:00.001-04:00

Okay, so we still do not have the official word from BBS, but we do know that as of today they have received all of Pete's info and that it is off to the admissions department. :) So, we should know officially right before we move....

We will be moving the weekend of the 27th and though the packing has started, I feel no where near ready yet. I am in the process of transferring to the Wal*Mart near our new place and should be working in Dairy when I start on the 1st. I spoke to the co-manager there and she said that she was creating a job offer for me - I just have to wait for the manager at my current store to get it and then I can accept it here and then again down there after we move. So, even though Wal*Mart may not be my favorite place in the world, I am glad that God has provided in this area. Also, Pete had an interview at the Wendy's there today and he has accepted a position there. He will have his orientation in about a week and should be able to start the 1st week in July. If nothing else, at least we both will have jobs and there will not be a gap in income. (Now, we will need more income to survive, but I am praying about that and trying to remind myself that God has that all figured out.) (Also, I will have to give up every other Sunday afternoon as a part of this transfer, but Pete and I discussed it and although it is not ideal, it will give him some time alone to do school work.)

So, we still need prayer for acceptance into BBS and that I may find a second source of income so that we may pay all of our bills and work on getting ourselves out of debt.

In other news.....my amazing grad school professor has granted me more time to finish a long overdue paper so that I can register next semester and re-take my two remaining exams next spring. I need prayer that I will not mess up this opportunity and that I may finally finish my MA in the spring. (I am also hoping that with the move, my tuition will not increase as I will be out of state....)

I guess that's about it for now....hope you all have a wonderful weekend. :)

(P.S. Yay me - I found a way to not lose my blog access after I lose my normal e-mail account!)

Apartment search part 2

2008-06-03T18:24:00.000-04:00

Yay! The apartment situation has worked out and we will be moving at the end of this month.

There is still no word on seminary, but we should know withing the next week or so (assuming that BBS has now received all of Pete's info.) To answer Lori's question - we will be seeking financial aid, but there is also the chance of a scholarship that I will explain once we know more about it.

I am looking into transferring to the Wal*Mart that is closer to where we will be living. It is a little complicated since, in general, the powers that be want you working for 6 months before they will approve a transfer, but my personnel department is helping me figure out how to possible work around that. I feel that it should work out though....I'll let everyone know when I know. :)

So, anyway, I guess that job situation and seminary acceptance still need prayer, but at least we have a new place to live. :)

Though, I have to be honest, having not moved now for 4 years, I am not looking forward to packing this place up and moving it all, and then, of course, unpacking it and setting up a new home. Ugh. On a positive note, we will not need to rent a truck or anything because my father-in-law is going to help us out by bringing along his truck and trailer that he uses for his landscaping business. Yay! (Also, if I didn't mention it before, the only cost to us for leaving here early is the loss of our security deposit - no biggie there.)

Apartment search part 1

2008-06-01T22:36:00.000-04:00

Pete and I spent part of yesterday looking at an apartment in Clarks Summit and it ended up being just perfect for us. It is an above garage with lots of space as well as two rooms downstairs behind the garage. Yay!

So, here is where the prayer request comes into play....

The owner would like us in there soon, but our current lease ends in August. Pete is going to speak with our leasing agent tomorrow morning and see if we can get out early (hopefully at no cost to us). There is a possibility here as rumor has it that there is a waiting list to get into this complex. Now, assuming that works out....we still need prayer that Peter does indeed get accepted at BBS (not that I forsee any problems there). Finally, we need prayer that we are able to find jobs in that area. Commuting up here is an option, but with the price of gas lately, not the easiest of options. Also, it would be ideal if I could find 2 jobs, as while Peter is in seminary, working 2 jobs like he does now, would not be the best solution.

I am not incredibly worried as I feel that God is leading us to move there, but my human nature kicks in from time to time and I forget to trust in HIM. (I guess I could use some prayer there too.) (Okay, correction, I KNOW that I need prayer in that area....I have been having trouble lately trusting in His timing for children in our lives as well.)

Well, I guess that is about all that I can update for now. Hopefully, I will know more about our situation in the next few days. (Oh, if we will be leaving it would be by the end of this month and that may result in a temporary loss of internet...I'll let you know.)

Seminary

2008-05-26T19:53:00.000-04:00

Well, it's official, my honey has applied to seminary. :) Who knows where God will lead us from here?

Peter and I will soon be looking at apartments in Clarks Summit and then shortly thereafter for jobs. The plan for now (assuming that he gets into BBS - and I don't see why he wouldn't) is to find a place to live down there first. After that, we can commute up here to our current jobs until we are able to find something down there. Now with the price of gas lately this could be a big crunch in the budget, but I am hopeful.

The odd thing is, I think that for teh fisrt time in my life, I am actually ready to say (and mean it when I do), God, take us where you want us to be. Wow, is that ever scary, but a little exciting at the same time.

I haven't written in a while, so....

2008-05-15T19:00:00.000-04:00

here is what is going on in our lives right now. :)

Peter will be attending a Men's Conference at Baptist Bible College this weekend. he is looking forward to the conference and I am excited for what he will be learning. He will also be speaking to the person in charge of Seminary Admissions while he is there in order to explore his possibilities for this fall. Right now it is looking like BBC will be a good choice for seminary, but we will know more when Peter returns home.
Pete has also applied for an Assistant Manager position at the house he works in at HCA. he was informed today by his house manager that the people in charge of the interviews for that position will be contacting him. :) (This would be a salaried, full time, day hours position.)
The status of the job that Pete has applied for will determine if we move to Clarks Summit, PA this fall for seminary or if we stay here and Pete does some commuting. The seminary does offer a lot of online courses, but once again, we will know more about everything this weekend.
I am still at Wal-Mart in the frozen food section. It is an okay job and I try everyday to thank God that I at least have a job. I am also trying to focus on the positive (which can be hard some days as I do not enjoy my job all that much). I am also exploring other options outside Wal-Mart, but have no intentions to leave unless something much better comes along. (By that I mean something that might use my degree or make me feel more like my job has a purpose. - a feeling I miss from when I was teaching)
Pete and I have been taking walks together at a local park and we have both lost a few pounds. Nothing to significant, but we are happy about the progress and are remembering to let the pounds gradually fall off and not to get frustrated if it takes a while to happen. :) (I have lost about 8lbs and Peter about 6lbs - I think.) (Oh, there is an advantage to Wal-Mart in that I have to walk a lot to get things done - and I am lifting boxes.)

I guess that is it in our corner of the world right now. Hope you are all having a great week so far! :)

Spring Cleaning

2008-04-23T16:58:00.000-04:00

I am home today from work.....originally because I was not feeling well this morning, but that passed and so....here is what I have been up to....

Once I was feeling better, I had some sudden motivation to get some cleaning done. I dusted almost all the surfaces in our apartment. (The top of the fridge is the only thing not done and the reason for that is that my micro-fiber dusting rag was starting to look pretty nasty by the time I got to that chore. I guess I'll have to get to it after I wash the cloth this weekend.) Now, in general, dusting is one of the chores around here that does not get done, but for some reason today, after having looked at the build up for a couple of days, I had the motivation to do it. I love the way I feel now that it is done. (Maybe next time it won't get so bad....as long as I can remember this feeling...LOL)
I also decided to clean the windows today. In the office and living room I can only clean the inside of the windows as I am on the 2nd floor, but in the bedroom I was able to clean both the inside and outside of the sliding glass door that leads out onto our mini deck. The outside was definitely worse, but I am so happy that I did it. It looks so nice in there now, especially with the sun shining through. :)

In other Spring Cleaning news:
We finally found the floor in our office over these past few days!! Yay!! It only took 6 months of marriage, but we are finally starting to find places for everything. Now, I have to give LOTS of credit to my husband here because he purged about 4 Wendy's Fry boxes full of books. I am so very proud of him for deciding that he didn't need nearly as many books as he had. I am (and was) amazed at the number he purged. He still has a lot of books, but I think he pared himself down to the ones that he will use the most and the rest he can find in a library if he needs them again. Did I mention how proud of him I am?
The process in the office has also enabled us to find the tops of both the computer desk and the office desk! Yay! We now have work spaces available to us in the office....what a concept! LOL

We still have some items in the living room that need a home, but at least we are getting there. We are making our little apartment work for us and I am loving it. (Of course I have OCD type issues when it comes to having a neat, organized home anyway, so this is great for me.) :)

(Oh, Peter has also found the floor in his car!)

Recent blessings in our life:
We recently had 2 amazing things happen that can only be from God and I wanted to make sure that I shared them, so here they are....
1) We had received a notice from the electric company recently that if we did not pay are large overdue amount by a certain date, then on May 1st, they were going to shut us off. So, our original plan had been to pay that amount this Friday when we got paid....possibly having to sacrifice on some other bills in order to do so. Well, yesterday we received a new letter from them stating that they had an agreement for us to sign which will divide up the amount we owed and add it onto our regular bill for the next few months. This happened without either of us ever calling to make billing arrangements. I am continually amazed at how He works in our lives!!
2) Peter went out to Davis today to drop off his boxes of books and post a sign on them for free or something like that. Well, when the bookstore guy saw how quickly people were grabbing up the books, he offered to pay Peter for them. He got about $60.00. Now that's not much, but it's a lot more than free. What an unusual way to receive a blessing!

Okay, I suppose that is all the rambling that I have for today. Tomorrow, when I am off from work, my main goal is to work on the paper that I need to finish for grad school.

A change of plans

2008-04-14T18:43:00.000-04:00

So remember how I said that I would be working at Wendy's?

Well, that plan has changed a bit....

My first day at Wendy's I got a call from WalMart asking if I wanted to interview for a frozen foods position. I knew that I already had a job, but I also knew that it was one that I was not going to enjoy. (The only thing I liked about Wendy's last time were the people, especially Peter!) (Also, I was counting down the hours till it was time to leave from the moment I punched in and I hadn't been working there all that long yet.) So, I said to myself, if I can schedule an interview around the current job, I will, and then just see what they might be offering.

That interview was this morning and it went well. I have accepted a position as a stock person in frozen foods. It will be an evening shift (either 1-10pm or 2-11pm) which is not normally my cup of tea, but those are the hours that Pete currently woks at one of his jobs, so at least for a little while I might get to see him more often. The pay rate is the same that Wendy's was offering me ($8.50/hr) and I will still have Sundays off. (That I insist upon as it is the only full day that Pete and I have together.) I'm not sure yet what my exact schedule will be, but I think that no matter what it is, I will be happier than I would have been at Wendy's.

Sadly, I have now burned a bridge with that Wendy's and with the Pilot corporation (as they own that particular store). This is not something that I wanted to do, but.....well, let's just say that this is better for my overall emotional health. (Especially when you consider that I have been off my meds successfully for a few weeks now.....doctor's decision with my consent....in case we are to conceive, to avoid risks of heart defects.)

In other news......

I do not know what kind of germs that daycare was carrying, but I am sick again! Ugh! This time I have been diagnosed with laryngitis and fluid in my right ear (which could lead to an infection). I am on yet another round of antibiotics as well as an otc nasal spray. (At least each round of antibiotics has been a different variety.) ;)
Oh well, the doctor assures me that this will take care of the problem and I should be healthy again soon. If nothing else, I am learning not to take my general state of healthiness for granted anymore.

Yet another new job

2008-04-09T19:27:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I was able to find a job. I had an interview at Wendy's this morning and will be starting there tomorrow. It's not the Wendy's that I use to work at, but one closer to home. (I can't work at the old one unless Pete and I work opposite shifts and that just wouldn't give me very many hours.) I will be working from 10am-6pm Monday thru Friday. The manager is also starting me out at more than I was making at the daycare and I get to keep my weekends. Yay!

As to some comments on the previous post. Pete is looking at the possibility of becoming an Assistant Manager at the group home that he works for and leaving Wendy's. It would be better pay and he would be home at night. I don't think that he has made a final decision on that as of yet. No, we are not entirely stuck in Binghamton once April is over, but we do not really have a desire to be far from family. (Until the end of April, Pete is committed to being the AWANA Games Leader at our church.) Our lease ends in August and there is always the possibility of moving to Oneonta or up to the Albany area. Neither of us want to move to far because once we are blessed with children, we would like to be near the grandparents.

I know that some people are thinking that we are selling ourselves short by doing this, and maybe, in some ways we are.....but, at this point in time, I am just happy to be able to pay the bills. My only dream is to one day become a SAHM and hopefully see Pete realize his dream of becoming a pastor. :)

P.S. I will not be finishing my MA this month as I had hoped due to a paper that I have yet to finish. However, I should be getting that done this month and then my professor will work it so that I can take my remaining 2 exams next Spring. It's better this way though, because with all the chaos lately, I haven't had time to read/study for the 2 exams that I will be re-taking. :P

Prayer

2008-04-02T21:14:00.000-04:00

I have lost my job. I was out last week (for two days) due to an ear infection, swollen right tonsil, and puss in my right tonsil and my boss sent a letter in the mail stating that due to poor attendance, I no longer had a job.

Now, I would like to point out that some of my time out was for my knee (a work related injury), some were days that she told me to stay home, and others were days that my doctors told me not to go to work and gave me a note for her.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I do not generally get sick with anything more than a cold, yet in the past 3 weeks, I have been on 2 rounds of antibiotics. Can anyone say disinfectant needed at my prior place of employment?

Now, I was going to take legal action because everyone told me I had a case against her.....however, legal aide states that they do not take care of this kind of issue and the labor department states that there are no laws against this. Grr.

Anyway, all that was to state that we need prayer. We have basically been caught up on our bills and I was ready to look for a second job to help us become debt free faster and then this happened. So, if everyone could just pray that I am able to be employed again soon, that would be great. Obviously, I know that God has a plan here, but needless to say we were (and still are, a little) frustrated and would like to know what the plan is. ;)

In good news: We are still planning on heading out to my mom's this weekend for my Great Aunt Madeline's 90th birthday party. We need a weekend away and while we are there, the family has told us that they are going to send us back with a cooler full of meat and homemade canned goods. They are also going to help with cat food and litter....yay! What a blessing!!

Knee

2008-03-23T02:15:00.000-04:00

Just an update to let everyone know that according to my regular physician (not the walk-in clinic), my knee is only suffering from a severe contusion. I just have to wait it out. THough, it has been getting better as far as walking goes...but I still cannot kneel on it.

That's all for now.

HAPPY EASTER!!!! HE IS RISEN!!!!

Think spring

2008-03-18T23:08:00.000-04:00

Can you believe that this Sunday is Easter? Yay!! That has always been my favorite holiday and I so look forward to it. I think we'll be with Pete's family, but we haven't really discussed that yet.

Also, yay, this Friday is Spring!! Now I know the weather does not change instantly or anything, but it is my favorite season and I am ready for it. We have been taking the kids outside at daycare the past few days and it has been great! They need to get some of their energy and cabin fever out. (especially after naptime) :P

I want to make something yummy for Easter, but my hubby isn't really into desserts. He likes things like Rice Crispy Treats, angel food cake, and vanilla ice cream....not that there is anything wrong with that. Anyway, I was wondering, does anyone have any ideas on what I could make for just the two of us sometime around that holiday? I mean I can figure out a meal plan, bread, and such, but what could I make for a yummy dessert? Any thoughts?

(Weird discovery....it appears that my new friends list only appears if the mouse scrolls over it. LOL One of the reasons why I like changing the background, but also find it to be frustrating at times. ) ;)

Ugh

2008-03-13T23:04:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I am desperately trying to focus on the positive right now......

Want to know why?

Well, I injured my knee about 2 weeks ago at work by tripping over a baby gate while carrying an open pitcher of milk. Now, I saved most of the milk, but my knee is still messed up. The doctor says that since it hasn't fully healed yet, I may need an MRI to check out the ligaments and such. Of course, I have to wait and see my regular doctor for that as the walk-in clinic isn't allowed to order that test and I can't get in there till Good Friday. Oh and my boss has yet to file the workman's comp claim....she did however give me Tues, Wed, and Thurs till 2:30pm off to heal a little....I worked all last week after the accident with a knee immobilizer on.

Now, I find out today that I have also contracted acute bronchitis. I have to take and inhaler every 4 hours as well as an antibiotic. Oh and BTW, the drugs cost about $66.00 and that was after my insurance covered a bit. And, yes, the doctor said that I could not go back to work till Monday, but he did give me a note for my boss.

So, amidst all this, I am trying to find the positive and not complain....you have probably guessed that I am not doing a great job at that. Does getting sick get easier once your a mom....as in do you whine less because the kids/family need you? (I am hoping so, because I am a big baby when I am sick and I want that to go away....LOL)

Oh, and Happy 5 month anniversary to my hubby and I!! :)

Do be do be do

2008-02-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I couldn't come up with a title.... LOL

There's not much to say tonight, but I haven't written in a while, so here it goes....

My job is going well and I am glad to have it. Peter and I have been able to catch up and be current on all of our bills....thanks to the job and our tax refund. We have also been working on saving and tithing. Though I have to say that we have tapped our savings recently....so I guess we still have some work to do there. It's a process. ;)

I am attending a Bible study based on the book Calm My Anxious Heart. I highly recommend it to anyone who has a chance to read it. It has been helping me learn to rely on Him more and to worry less.

I guess that's it for now.....like I said, not too much to say tonight.

Happy Ground Hog's Day

2008-02-02T21:34:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

So far my job is going well, and I think that I will have some stability there. Just keep the job in your prayers when it comes to mind. I would like to stay there for a while and could always use extra prayer for job security....given my recent problems with jobs and all.

I finally took the decorations off the tree and from around the house today. Peter will put the tree away tomorrow after church and groceries. (Yes, I know it's Feb., but I just never felt like going through the hassle until today. LOL)

Peter and I had our three month check up with the pastor on Wednesday and it went fairly well. We talked about various issues and it was good to have a 3rd party to help us out on some things. (Nothing severe, don't worry) As a result of that meeting, we have made some changes in our lives financially and our quite happy with them. It also helped that we both recently read a book by Ellie Kay entitled 1/2 Price Living. It's great and gave us excellent ideas on how to make it possible for us to live on one income when the time comes.

On that note, Pete and I have decided to let God do as he wishes in the pregnancy area. Basically, for us that means that we are not going to do anything in order to prevent it from happening, but at the same time we are not going to put any pressure on ourselves that we are "trying." We have discussed it with our parents and for the most part they are okay with our plans....though, my dad is worried that we will not be able to provide proper medical care both pre and perinatal. I'm still working on convincing him that it is all under control. Pete and I just figure that neither of us is getting any younger and that once I pass 35 or so, the risks are higher....basically if we want anywhere from 2-4 children, we need to start soon. :)

Anyway, I guess that's about all I have to say for now. Oh, if you were a member of IVCF and have not yet gone to the grapevine, please do so, it's been great fun for me to see where some people are at now. :) (The site is:http://www.ivupstate.org/alumni.php)

Jackie tagged me

2008-01-23T12:45:00.000-05:00

Okay, here are some random things about me....

1. I still sleep for at least the first 10 minutes after I go to bed with a stuffed Grover doll that I have had since I was a baby....Peter is working hard to try and replace him, but my hubby's neck just isn't small enough to work the same....LOL

2. I am obesessed with Nicholas Sparks novels and have to read each new one almost as soon as it comes out

3. My Christmas tree is still up....hopefully tonight it will be taken down

4. My favorite TV show is CSI - the original version

5. If I happen to get pregnant right now, I would be okay with that (not that we're oficially trying, but ya never know) :)

6. I still do not have my formal wedding photos back as we do not have money to pay our photographer right now...maybe by our 1 year anniversary...LOL

Okay, that's all I can think of right now....I'm not going to tag anyone as there really isn't anyone left to tag :)

Yay - a new job!!

2008-01-12T00:02:00.000-05:00

Yay!! I have a new job!!

Starting Monday, I will be working at a daycare. Yes, I know that this did not work out before, but this time I am not going to be a lead teacher or anything and I am almost 100% positive that this is where God wants me to be. Praise Him yet again. :)

Peter and I are approaching our three month anniversary and at then at the end of the month, it will be a full year since we met at Wendy's. :) It seems to have gone by so quickly.

Christmas was good all around....I received some new computer games and as a result, my hubby is now addicted to Mahjong. It is rather enjoyable to watch him try and beat either my times or his owns best times.

We have been using our bread machine to make all of our bread now. It turns out that it is more cost effective and also saves us from a ton of preservatives. I would one day like to be able to do more things this way.....I suppose time will tell on that.

Well, I guess that's about it for the moment. I hope you are all enjoying the new year so far. :)

Almost Christmas time

2007-12-20T23:17:00.000-05:00

Just a short little update as there isn't much new to report right now....

I am awaiting the Christmas season and going home to see my dad and other family members. Pete will get to meet my brother and experience his first Cross family Christmas on the 29th. Let's just say that my Grandma Cross opening her gifts is quite a sight to see.....rather entertaining. :)

Pete and I know what we will be exchanging as soon as we have the money....my hubby cannot keep a secret when it comes to Christmas gifts. (He says that he does not like surprises and that's why...LOL)

Alli has finally decided to snuggle with her new daddy. :) She even went as far as to sit in his lap and purr the other day. I knew that if we gave her enough time, she would eventually be okay with everything. :)

I am going to re-apply at Wendy's. I could use some prayer that they will hire me back as we really need the extra income. I guess it was overheard at our wedding that I do not like it there and that is making the GM leary of having me back. I just need to reassure her that that part of my attitude will not show at work and we should be fine. Pete could also use prayer in the job area. I cannot say about what, but just pray that God's will be done and that he can find a way for Pete to provide that does not constantly exhaust him.

I guess that's about it for now. In case I do not update again before the big day...Have a Merry Christmas!!

30 and surviving

2007-12-13T03:20:00.000-05:00

I am writing this post as my hubby tries to go to bed early and get some much needed rest. Poor guy works so hard trying to suport us, that is is wiped out almost all the time. One of the many reasons that I love him....he wants to do whatever it takes to support his family. Though I wish he didn't have to do so much....

Well, there is still not a new job in sight. I did have an interview for a nanny position, but they said that they would know by midweek (that would be today) and I did not hear anything. It looks like I may be stuck going back to fast food....yuck...but if that is where God wants me so that we can survive for now, than I guess that is where I will have to go. Oh, Gurt, as for your comments, yes Pete has a college degree, it is a BRE from Davis College (Bachelor's of Religious Education) and, yes, I would love to come take care of your kids, but moving right now is not possible. Pete is committed to the Awana group at church until April. :( That, our lease, and my yet to be finished MA are what keeps us here for now.

On an entirely different note:

We spent the day before my birthday attending a Heartland concert! It was great! The only cost to us were 2 new toys for Toys for Tots. Only 3 of the band members came, but it was an unplugged sort of concert and rather laid back. They even taught the audience the southern toast. (You had to be there to get it....) After the concert they had a meet and greet session, so I now have an autographed napkin that says "Happy Bithday Dawn Love Heartland" and the three members signed it and wished me a happy b-day. We also got to shake their hands and chat for a little bit. :) Oh, and yes, Shannon, I converted your brother into a country fan...LOL!

I think that I have figured out a mostly free Christmas gift that I can give family members this year...wish me luck creating it. That solves a little of my Christmas stress....for those of you that read the other blog and were wondering. I am also in the process of shopping for the hubby...the one person I can buy for....it is a process is all that I can say right now. ;) Oh, and good news, Pete will finally be able to meet my brother at the Cross family Christmas on 12/29. :)

Okay, I guess that is all for now. I should probably head to bed myself. (P.S. Shannon, you are free to leave comments here if you wish. I am not easily offended, so write whatever....if I have ?s I can ask Pete or e-mail you. Besides, you are my sister-in-law and I want you to feel free to express your thoughts to me. :) )

I give up

2007-12-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update....

I lost my job at the daycare today. I was trying really hard and I thought that I was doing fine, but today my boss said that she had been meaning to talk to me. She then let me know that she didn't think that I was fully happy there and that things just weren't being done. I guess that even though I was doing the planning and things, it wasn't done to her satisfaction.

I am frustrated....I found a job that I enjoyed and I still messed it up. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been basically numb all day....I guess I've cried all the tears I had for lost or abandoned jobs that I had this year.

My dad thinks that we should move because this is a depressed area....I'm just not sure how that would work or how we would ever get out of our lease.....
Also, my dad thinks that I should go back to teaching, but I just don't know....

If anyone has any ideas, let me know....

A little list

2007-12-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

Currently compatible

Marriage
New job - I am now working in a daycare as the lead infant teacher. I get to plan lessons for and play with 1 year old children all day long!! Yay!!
My loving kitties
Physical therapy - it is really helping my back pains
Christmas decorations
Long time friendships :)
My family and new in-laws
That Staples is now carrying Dell printer ink
That I get to go to a Heartland concert on Wednesday with my hubby for the small price of a new toy donation!! :)

Currently incompatible

Money issues - I hate having to choose which bill to pay when, if one can be late or not, what to say when the credit card people call and don't understand that we are just now getting back on our feet and will pay them asap
Discussions about how to handle the money
Back pains :(
The fact that my apartment is still a mess from the hubby moving in....there just isn't enough room for everything....grr
That I do not know how to plan out meals for a week for 2 people - my husband is only home 3 nights a week and is a picky eater, and I do not have much experience in this area - anyone want to help me? .....Jackie maybe....as you also have a special eater in the house....not picky like mine though, I hope...lucky you....
That I do not know how to best make use of Sam's club, other than for our paper products and some vitamin/health/hygiene care type stuff...help there too?
That I can't have any babies yet...debt needs to be paid down 1st

Okay, I guess that's it for this post.....the countdown to my 30th birthday is on.....it's Thursday, Dec. 6th in case anyone was wondering. :)

I'm married!!

2007-11-16T23:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's been almost forever since I last posted, but there wasn't much to say until now. :) Peter and I have been married for a little over a month and we are loving it. He is back at Wendy's as a 2nd source of income, so he works a lot (and had to lose his goatee), but we love the time that we get to spend together, especially on Sundays. :)

I have also found a job....as of Monday, I will be the infant lead person at a local daycare facility. Yay! I get to play with kids all day and I get my weekends back....I am looking forward to it. :) (I did briefly have a job with the Kirby vaccuum company, but that had some killer hours and very little pay....it only lasted about a week and a half before we decided that it wasn't the right thing for me.)

In other news, my lower back has been bugging me since before the wedding....so after a few visits to the free clinic, some drugs, and much pain, they have finally schedulued me for physical therapy. Hopefully this will fix whatever it was that I did to myself that made it so that for almost a week I could not even stand up straight. Or, as Pete has said, make it from the couch to the kitchen without almost being in tears. (Those of you who have been here know what a short distance that is.) Praise God for free clinics for those of us who do not have insurance. :)

Anyway, that's about it for now. I'll write more soon! :)

Almost here

2007-10-06T19:37:00.000-04:00

Yay!! The wedding is almost here!!

I have spent some time this week getting some of the final touches done. I completed our programs, informed people about the rehearsal and dinner, have been applying nail growth stuff to my fingernails, picked up my newly soddered together ring, worked on some informational signs, etc.

Pete has been helping to load some music onto the computer so that we can make a playlist and burn some CDs for the big day.

As for my interview, I have not heard anything....I am doing my best to trust in Him and stay positive about the neverending job search. I did take a civil service exam today for a position at the local developmental center, but I won't know the results of that test for about 2 months.

Okay, that's about all. For those of you coming to the wedding....can't wait to see you. For the rest, we will send photos as soon as we can. :)

Life news....

2007-09-26T15:36:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to update this for a while now...it has been on my to do list for almost a week, but I just haven't felt motivated to do it. So, today as I wait for the laundry and get ready for a job interview, I figured, I should update. :)

Yes, you heard right, after filing what seems like millions of job applications, I finally have an interview. I am heading to Bath and Body works this afternoon. Wish me luck and please continue to pray as Peter and I are really struggling with finances right now.

Yesterday, thanks to some money from my exstepdad Brian, we went and filed for our marriage liscence (sp?).....can anyone tell me why it costs $40.00 to have a piece of paper that says I can get married? Anyway, it was something on my to do list that I was excited to get done. Now it really is official that I am getting married in 16 days. :) We still have some wedding stuff to get done, but most of it is minor and the large items have been taken care of by my family. Yay! I can honestly say that I am glad that my mom and Aunt Janie have helped so much with the planning and details....as organized as I normally am, the wedding stuff was a bit too overwhelming for me. Speaking of that....a few weeks ago we went down to my mom's and picked up my dress! My mom rocks and my dress is amazing!! :)

I have to put a special thanks in here to my matron of honor for planning a shower for me and most recently agreeing to help us financially. I have always known what a great friend she is to me and this just reinforces it all the more. I love her!

We have been slowly moving Pete's things in and it is weird for me to try and adjust to living with someone again. I haven't done that in a long time. I am ready for him to be here though...I hate sending him home every night.

Oh, I found out about a local free clinic through someone at church, so I was able to go there and get my meds changed. I now have a 2 month supply of free medicine. Praise God for that!!

Okay, that's my quick little update for now. I will try and get back to posting more often once the wedding is done. :)

Did it work?

2007-09-04T03:59:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,
Well, the countdown is on....I can't believe the wedding is so close. Hey, I added a cursor thing to this, did it work? Is there an insane smiley face showing up n your computer for this page?

Anyway, I can't seem to fall asleep, so here is a brief update....

Job: I have left my previous job, they were willing to work with me, but I am just not designed to be a telemarketer and I kept missing work. It was just a mess, so Pete was understanding when I left and we are working together to find me something else.

Medication: I recently realized, with the help of my family, that my meds are not working and that I need to find a way to change that. Prayer is needed there.

Wedding: Not too much left to do....just a few odds and ends to tie up and before I know it, it will be here. :) We are going down to my mom's for a final fiting of the dress this coming weekend. Yay!!

Other: Pete and I went to a BBQ with his family this weekend and then to a picnic that the church was having today. It was nice to be able to spend some time together. That is hard sometimes with schedules and being exhausted at times. We are also almost done with our premarital counseling. Today was the financial stuff and neither of us realy enjoyed that, but it was needed. Now that we really know the numbers, we know what needs to be done.

Okay, I should try to head back to bed now and see if I can get any sleep. Pete is getting me up early to run some errands and continue job searching. Also, the laundry REALLY needs done tomorrow if we are going to have any clothes to take to my mom's this weekend. LOL :)

HTML is frustrating!!

2007-08-24T21:28:00.000-04:00

Hi all,

I have been sitting here for a while now trying to change my blog background to take my mind off of some things and I just can't get it to work. GRRRR!!!! Then I find out that the site that I was trying to use is not yet compatible with the newer version of blogger, well no wonder I couldn't make it work. I found some stuff at another site, but it kept telling me that the codes were incomplete. UGH! Oh, well, I can add that countdown thing that I saw on Angela's site (though on mine the seconds get cut off by the framing.....part of the reason that I was trying to change the layout).

In other news, wedding planning is coming along. Actually, almost everything is done and that's good. :) We are short on honeymoon financing (oh, some of you may be getting a call or e-mail about that). Pete seems to think that we'll figure it out, but it is definitely one of my stresses right now.

Also, I think that I am about to lose another job. I have had some severe issues with my depression lately and that has made my attendance poor at work, so it is not looking so good. Please pray that God will provide (in spite of my stupitidy, migraines, and depression). Okay, I guess that's it for now. Talk to you all soon. :)

In loving memory

2007-08-06T21:45:00.000-04:00

No wedding news today...I have some to write, but this post has one simple purpose....

Christy - ?-August 2007
She will be missed by many.

Not much new

2007-07-23T00:44:00.000-04:00

Well, there is not too much new to report, but I had some time, so here it goes.

Pete is in the living room right now finishing the process of putting together our new bedroom set. Thanks to my dad, we got that wedding gift and got it nice and early. Yay! Now I can adjust to having to share a dresser set before he actually moves in. (Though my dad seems to think that Pete will never get any use out of it as I have so much junk. LOL)

Wedding planning is still going on....and on, and on...I'm sure at least some of you know what that is like. :)

My mom, Aunt Janie, and cousin Becky will be up this weekend so I can do a dress fitting with the "dummy" dress and so they can view the hall and see what they will be decorating come October. (Yes, I know that was a run-on sentence. ;) )

Anyway, that's really about it for now. Maybe I'll think of some more to write in a few days.

(P.S. Maura, thanks for the info, I deleted the comment though, so that it wouldn't be floating around internet land.) :)